Predictable, That's Me...

Funny, y'know, looking back on my relationships -- how wonderfully they started, how painfully they ended--it's probably just me. Guess I thought I knew what I was doing (but, who does, ever?) when I looked out the restaurant window at passing couples walking hand-in-hand and wondered if I'd someday be doing that. Well, it happened this way:
I fell in... love? thrall? with J------, a short, skinny alto in the concert choir I'd joined; thought she was just the cutest, prettiest, most attractive girl on the campus, the way her brown eyes twinkled when she smiled. Sort-of instant BOING! We talked a lot after rehearsal and I'd ride with her to the end of the line way out in the 'burbs, barely make it back into the city to catch a late train home - at least until I tired of the commute and found the very -last- $80 / month apartment on Chicago's Near West Side. I asked her to move in with me, and she said yes. Heaven!
I paid the rent and utilities and fed us both for five years while we struggled through our courses and studied in between shows at the downtown legit theatres we'd gotten jobs at. Think it was me, more than her, who looked forward each night to spooning in our tiny twin bed (she couldn't run so far away!); it felt.. indescribable, magical, peaceful--as did our lovemaking. But it didn't last after we moved to a larger place, I was working full-time while she persued a Masters or two, something changed and we stopped sleeping together, the magic disappeared... and she wound up dating and marrying a fellow whose last name was remarkably similar to mine, moved to the suburbs and has been very happy for a.. long, long time, now. I'm glad of that.
Seems like... for a while there I was needed by someone, shared my life with someone I cared very much about, brought home the bacon and sometimes hamburger, too. But we un-clicked, detached, separated and died a little bit, and I was alone then for the next nine years. End of the story of my very first love. My very best love.
I like to think, though, that it was supposed to happen that way, that I helped her get to where she needed to be, where she'd wanted to be from the git-go. Yeah, that must've been what it was. I just betcha.
SlyOldFox SlyOldFox
51-55, M
Jan 8, 2013