I definitely have an issue letting people in. I always thought I was a trusting person, but I realize that it's actually really hard for me to trust someone. I have even had my best friend since second grade, and I still find it hard for me to tell her things. God, and not to mention the social problems with this. I automatically think that people have issues with me... but the tricky part is that even when people say "oh, you seem like a really cool person," I still am VERY hesitant to letting them in because what if they find out the real me isn't the person the wanted to be friends with? What if they mistake my insecurities and whatnot as fakeness and baggage they just do not want to deal with? It is just so much easier to keep people away than actually let them in. The fear of rejection and hurt just is collosal in my mind.
I keep thinking that I lack a personality and that if I get too close to someone, they will recognize that and dispose of me.
OH! and going along with that, I'll mention another one of my theories... Well, people clearly enjoy mysteries, and quiet people are naturally a mysterious type, because, well, hell... why the f ck are they so quiet? But what if someone thinks there is deeper meaning to you because you are "quiet," and they are determined to find you out? What if there is no deeper meaning and it's only a social anxiety? Maybe being that quiet observer automatically does indeed give you something to be found out?
Alright, I'm rambling. If someone actually made it through this crazy thing of a story, please comment. I want to know what people REALLY think of this jabber.