Recently Sober...ish

I don't have a long story to type here.

I smoked pot for 10 years and I had a damn good time. A damn good time. I didn't hurt anyone or do anything stupid, I didn't go through withdrawls when I stopped smoking, and I haven't regretted my decision because I'm not clean for cleanness sake. I'm clean so I can join the Navy.

They will give me 80 thousand for school that can be passed onto my kids when I'm older. While in the Navy they'll pay for all of my schooling, they'll pay for my wife and future kids to live, they'll give me dicipline to keep a clean house. With 8 years of training at living with minimal possessions I'll be able to let go of sentimental childhood artifacts that I have following me. The Navy will turn me into the man I want to be.

But the day I'm out I intend to smoke pot again. There was no harm to my life, and this is even from a sober point of view after-the-fact. My lungs were a little sad and I gained 20 pounds but I think that's ok considering my skill set. I'm never the guy with the gun runnin at bad guys. I'm a desk-job researchy-computery-kinda guy. I can live quite happily not running 2 miles straight, I can live happily with 38in pants.

I look forward to the day I can smoke again but until then I'm going to ween myself off of the hard stuff(which doens't pop govt UA, but is way harmful) like all the beer, vodka, and pills I've substituted to kill the boredom. I have about a week to get entirely sober because I gotta go to the MEPS station in a month and lose 12 pounds.

The pills and booze are physically addictive and bad for me, thankfully I understand that and keep myself in check. This is my last week of having fun like this for a long time. Soon i'll have to get a hobby to entertain me..

Dag on I typed a lot. Please don't judge my actions, they are smart and unsmart. Tis the way of my life.
You'd think since I scored a 97 percentile on the entrance exams I'd know not to mix booze and pills but I wanna quote a song:
Lil Wyte - Oxy Cotton: "Gotta be up on your P's and Q's to even feel it man."
Meaning pints and quarts to those who aren't expression-savvy.

I'd say wish me luck but if I make a big deal of sobriety it'll be a big deal. If I just vent and move on it'll be a small thing.
senmetsu senmetsu
22-25, M
2 Responses Jul 12, 2010

Thank you tigeri6, <br />
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I have stopped everything of recreation as of midnight last night. Today my wife screamed at me and I wanted more than anything to fall back into my same old routine. Oddly enough I went to a church instead.. Granted it was a closed church, but I'm tryin' to get my life together right now, I don't need to go backwards. <br />
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Whether the prayer helped or not has yet to be seen. I came back to find my wife gone so... Ya. <br />
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This just happened. I'm still shaken up. Thanks for your support, it means mountains to me.

Whoa, that's NOT a smug contribution!<br />
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Senmetsu, I get what you mean.<br />
What I think he's trying to say here, is that the perception of drugs and drug users is quite black and white. People assume that someone who enjoys non-sobrierty MUST be evil, have problems or issues, or on a slow spiral out of control, when in fact, they might be perfectly happy, well rounded, perhaps slightly different individuals.<br />
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But everyone is different!<br />
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Senmetsu, good luck with the Navy, you'll learn lots about self-discipline most certainly (although military service IS something I once considered, I have rather much changed my mind on that...).<br />
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I enjoy altered states of consciousness too, and am fairly in touch with who I am as a person, but at the same time, I know that right now in my life, there is lots confusing me! I think that usually, people with issues would reach my point, self medicate with x intoxicant, then people would view x intoxicant as the catalyst, as the issue, when in fact there were many other things!