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The Yelling Woes

Tempers seem to always fly around me. I am still not quite sure what it is about me that rises people's tempers. Once people get in my face I honestly don't know what it is but I can't help myself. Curses fly, dirty looks are in place, and insults are spat out. Lately, I just haven't been holding back which is completely out of my character. I'm usually the one that sits there and takes it until late at night when all my demons and skeletons come and haunt me but that's not what's happening now. I think i've had about 2 fights, a billion bitchy moments, and a fair share of "Okay, it's not like I give a ****" kind of replies. But when it comes down to it, yelling has just never been one of my favorite things in the world, but let's be realistic here. What kind of right person likes to be yelled at? I don't think the most masichistic person likes to be yelled at.

Everytime i'm yelled at tears always seem to build up, no matter what whether it's friends or family. Some people genuinely **** me off where some yelling here and there wouldn't hurt. There are times where, and I am man or well woman enough to say, I overreacted and where screaming at someone is just pure instinct. Those are the moments where my irrational girl mind takes over and what you scream at me in that moment will be emphasized and taken seriously ten times over. For instance, I was on the phone with my friend Timmy and we got on a touchy subject for the both of us and things got a little heated. I tried to patch things up a little so I muttered his name like a baby and what I got was an angry, exasperated, and COMPLETELY unnecessary response. I was in a great mood having just seen fireworks, and the response caught me way off guard. I sat back and tears rolled down my face thinking 'What did I ever do wrong?'. Yelling, for me, is just a signal in my mind that tells me that I've done something wrong; that there's one more thing that I screwed up and now have to fix. After awhile you just start to wonder how much more you'll be able to take.
stripesANDsunshine stripesANDsunshine 18-21, F Jul 4, 2011

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