I Feel Sad And Heavy At Christmas Time...

I have been feeling really weighed down and it has EVERYTHING to do with Christmas!!! I know there must be some deep hurts down inside somewhere, but whatever it is, it won't come to the surface. It's just too painful. The thing that's so confusing for me is that I remember Christmas as a child being the only time my family felt normal and happy. So shouldn't Christmas be the best time of the year for me? But it isn't; it's the worst.

Maybe it's the phoniness, the pressure to pretend that your family is like the families on TV, in the movies, in the magazines, even act like what it seems "the happy, normal families" act like.  I had a HORRIBLE family growing up. But on Christmas day and Christmas Eve, we were magazine perfect. Now, that I'm a grown-up, I am in a HORRIBLE marriage (but I have TERRIFIC kids). So, every Christmas, I feel like I have to pretend that everything's swell and I hate pretending worse than I hate living the truth. I feel like I have to make Christmas for my kids perfect, so they can have magical memories, just like I do. (or just like I THINK I do!)  But I'm really just perpetuating the cycle, right? My kids maybe feel the same way." Yeah, Mom and Dad don't really love eachother, but on Christmas, everything's grand. " I'm sure they're not anymore fooled than I was. So, what to do?

My husband makes NO effort to "make nice" on Christmas. He actually picks fights on that day more than any other day of the year. He gets depressed and sleeps the whole day once the presents are opened. I get stuck cleaning and cooking. He comes out of his hole to eat Christmas dinner, then goes back to bed. Maybe this year, I'll do it different. I don't have too much time left to come up with an alternative plan.

Another reason I don't like Christmas is because I have a somewhat rare condition in that my senses are easily overstimulated. Life is already overwhelmingly noisy and chaotic. Now, add Christmas music, decorations, baking, shopping, gift-wrapping, parties, volunteer work, and, well, just more STUFF.  My head spins until I can finally take down all the crap and get back to normal life.

Well, there's my spill. Any advice, comfort....?

letmeshareme letmeshareme
36-40, F
4 Responses Dec 18, 2009

I feel your pain my friend. My spouse was raised the same way (Beaver Cleaver type) and he knew it was fake. Therefore he feels like everyday should be special not just Dec 25. So we tried something different...we took a vacation as a Christmas present for everyone. This way, we were all together, having fun and not just focusing on the gifts! Try it, even if its a camping trip, Hawaii, California, wherever!

Just don't do it. I don't. It doesn't have to be ugly, mean or awkward. We try to take trip sometime around the holiday instead of buying gifts. No guilt. Don't let the Christmas lunatics, and the retail industry dictate how Christmas should be.

I've had a problem with Christmas for years. I think it started in my teens. I thought when I had my own family I would love Christmas. I was wrong. There have been some years better then others but not now. My beloved husband left over 18 years ago and is on wife #5. My only child wants nothing to do with me. I sent a nice package with several birthday presents and never even received a call. Makes me NOT want to send the few things for Christmas. <br />
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My siblings all have their own families. My "friends" have their own holiday and others are going on trips. I was so miserable in church last year I dread going this year. Truthfully, I don't plan to go. I usually pretend to like the holiday, put up a tree and stuff. But I lied when asked about baking. Said, I did but I didn't because I just don't care. I sent cards to ppl would would really notice but lied about the rest. Last few years I sent out 30-40 cards, Got 12-15 in return. This year I am looking at FIVE cards. Wow. I just really want to move away and start over in a new city but I know that would only be a temporary fix.

First of all...why does anyone have to act any different on Christmas than any other day of the year?And what is normal?Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year but from past experience..when things aren't right in our lives and we're miserable..Christmas can seem overwhelming.We think that we need to enjoy everything about the day and then some.We feel how we feel though and until we get out of whatever we're in..and we find peace within ourselves..nothing will make us feel any different.Only we can change that!<br />
I wish you the best!