Can't Fake Liking Dogs!Hey y'all, newbie to group and hope to find some help and support dealing with living with dogs. Ugh. A while back, a year or 2 ago, we agreed to "adopt" a seeing eye dog in-training, only on weekends, as part of a community service project for my daughter who was in high school at the time. Having never been a dog lover and not growing up with dogs, I agreed to this temporary part-time arrangement for the experience for my wife, daughter as well as myself. It seemed to be a good opportunity to "try out" having a dog.
So the first dog went on to "graduate" from the Southeast Guide Dog Association training and we said goodbye. No problem, a good experience for all, myself included. Training of seeing-eye dogs is admirable and I actually enjoyed the experience. So much that I agreed to take a second dog with the same conditions. However, after the second dog graduated and we said goodbye, my wife got a call from the Southeast Guide Dog Association and was advised that "Misty" had been selected to be a breeder dog rather than be placed with a sight-impaired person, and did we want to keep her on a full-time basis.
Well, here's where my problem begins. My wife agreed to adopt the dog on a full-time basis without discussing it with me! This really pissed me off to begin with as I knew she did not ask me because she knew I would not have agreed to take the dog full-time. We have been married over 30 years and this has become the most serious threat to our marriage so far. However, I saw how much happiness the dog brought to her so I thought I would give it a chance. The dog is well-behaved and is a beautiful black lab with a great disposition... but she is still...well... a dog! She sheds hair all over the house and although my wife does all the care and cleaning for her, she sleeps in our bedroom and the smell is definitely there.
Now here's the kicker. My daughter, who is now in college, adopted a dog of her own and brought it home for Thanksgiving. Misty, our lab, is 75 lbs. and we have trained her to stay off furniture (even though I have had to chase her off the bed when my wife allows her to join her). My daughter's new dog, "Doja" is a little 12lb. mutt that is always shaking and very nervous, and my daughter sleeps with her and allows her the run of the house, including up on the furniture. Her car interior looks like mohair and the shedding is even worse than the lab.
So now we have both dogs in the house and I haven't had the balls to put my foot down and enforce the house rules of "no dogs on furniture" as I know how much disharmony this would cause. I look forward to my daughter's visits and I don't want to discourage her from coming home because mean old dad doesn't like her dog. We live in a democracy and I believe in compromise (after all, isn't marriage all about compromise?) but these dogs are trying my patience.
And about compromise, I think it should work both ways, but as far as the dogs go, I'm waiting for it to go my way for a change. I didn't want a dog to begin with, but we have a dog. I didn't want a dog inside the house, but now we have TWO dogs in the house. I didn't want a dog in my bedroom, but now we have a dog in the bedroom. My bed was my final dog-free place, but I sometimes have to chase the dog off the bed, and I find myself avoiding going in the bedroom when my wife and daughter are watching tv in there because I want to avoid a confrontation about the dogs being on the bed.
We spent the last few nights in a dog-friendly hotel while visiting my other daughter for Thanksgiving and the first night we had my daughter's dog with us and it was allowed to sleep on the bed with us. I woke during the night with congestion and coughing; I think I may have a dog allergy but when I tell my wife and daughter this they say it's all in my head. It's like "well get some medication for YOUR problem".
Last night I slept on the pull-out couch and let my wife and daughter and their dogs sleep in the bed. "Lie with dogs, get up with fleas" I said as I closed the bedroom door, and slept much better not having the dogs to contend with. I am also considering moving into one of my daughter's vacated bedrooms for peace and quiet in a dog-free environment. Although I wear ear plugs for my snoring wife, the dog wakes me frequently during the night when she gets up and "shakes" as I envision thousands of hairs and allergens being spread throughout the room.
I just don't "get" how dog-lovers can live with this.
Lastly, if I had my druthers, I'd choose to not live with a dog, but at least at this point, I'm not willing to sacrifice our marriage and I know how much this dog means to my wife. She spends more time and energy with her dog than with me, and she won't go anywhere if she can't take the dog. And of course the dog demands all of her attention and it seems everything is "always about the dog".
OK, rant over, thanks for listening. I expect that I'm not alone in this regard and I'd appreciate any coping techniques. I did get a new motorcycle about the same time the dog came along, and like a friend said "she got a dog and you got a hawg" and that is one coping technique I have used but am still looking for more answers.
nottadoglover 61-65 3 Responses 1 Nov 25, 2011