A Childhood Trauma

It's the oddest thing... And it begins back when I started junior-highschool. I never had trouble with public eating before, until my first lunch with my fifth-grade class. I was the quiet nerd, so already I had no friends, and I was bullied all day long. I thought that maybe I could at least relax at lunch and enjoy my sandwich. :-/

But a group of girls crowded around me and yelled, "Eww! Look how fast she eats that sandwich! You can tell she's not being fed at home!" I felt bad and wondered if I was eating the sandwich fast... But, the next day, I try to forget it and tried lunch again. Same thing happened. And it happened everyday for two weeks. And I tried to ignore them, but they wouldn't let up, laughing and pointing. A fellow nerd tried to speak up for me, saying that he ate his sandwich fast too, so what? And they replied to him, "Well, you're much cooler than she is, so that's okay." He did try though!

And then it began to get really ugly... one girl, the meanest of them all, began to join in. She would shout, "That's right, welfare *****, eat that food! We know that you're starving!" So, I broke down and cried right there, into my plate! A lunch-aid finally noticed and came rushing over to me and walked me to her office. She asked me what was wrong and I told her about the bullying that had been going on. She asked me to point out the girls in the lunchroom and I did. They got in trouble and then... threaten to beat me up after school. I had to hire a friend of a friend to watch out for me, after school, for a week. :-/

Ever since then... I felt funny about eating in public or in front of people. It sparks high anxiety. It took many months, before I was able to eat on webcam in front of my best pal Philip. And it wasn't until last year that I was able to eat in a restaurant, without an panic attack. So, I am working on it. :-)

deleted deleted
26-30
4 Responses Feb 15, 2009

Aww ,kids can be so mean I'm glad you're working on it ,you're so nice , still thinking about those cheesesteaks. Mmmm

I understand, why you have problems eating in front of people. Childern can be cruel, to say the least..I had problems eating in front of people, when I grew up, also sometime time NOW>>;-) but I don't let the fear STOP me from eating were others are now...Thanks for sharing.

Kids are just messed up! lol I'm glad to hear that you're getting over your fear of eating in front of people, it's amazing that there are so many different reasons for people not liking to eat around others.

LOL<br />
<br />
I was sitting at the lunch table in the same grade, and was eating too fast. A girl called me a pig, and I kept on eating. The kids started making fun of me then I got angry. I said I'll show you a pig, and I started shoveling food in at full speed. They thought I was crazy and left me alone after that. <br />
LOL <br />
At least that's the way I wanted it to go. I just got made fun of more, and it really sucked!