Really Don't Like This....

As I am not an angry person at heart. I always thought of myself as a gentle, fairly mellow and spiritual type of person. At the moment, most of the time my heart seems to be filled with bitterness and that's sad. If I am not careful, it will eat me up from the inside and I will become the person I dispise.
I guess it just gets tough seeing nasty, self absorbed and selfish people get ahead in life. They are the ones with the money and who live in nice houses, who have partners, friends, great social lives, are not walked over etc. There is a saying and I can't think of the exact words but I know it goes along the lines of nice people finishing last.I find that so sad. It's a meaning of life I can't work out and that frustrates me.I always find that horrible people get along better in life and I don't get that, I really don't.
I am bitter with my parents for pretending my younger sister doesn't have a mental illness and so leaving all the responsibility to me. I am bitter with always caring for others and getting nothing back and of being treated badly and of having nothing to do of a weekend and constantly being alone with my thoughts and worries whilst always supporting others.
I have spent most of the evening writing and swearing constantly. I am SO angry and it frightens me as this isn't an emotion I am familar with. I just want to be at peace now. I wish for that everyday.
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26-30
May 9, 2012