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Loser Men

I was in an 18 year marriage that went from good to bad. My hubby did not want to help pay any bills. He said he felt like a boarder because he had to give me 250.00 a pay period to help pay rent, utilities, food etc..
I do not understand his reasoning.. Didn't he understand that the mans job is to support his family??? In the beginning, I was a stay at home mom to the 3 kids. When they got a little older, I went back to school and then got a job. Once I got the job things started going bad.. He got out of military, worked some part time jobs, we moved and he finally got a full time job but only gave me 50.00 a week to help out with household expenses.
Once we moved again and he had to give me more, he got upset. Said his friends told him he was giving me too much money. 250.00 is nothing when their are 5 people in a family. So, of course I put in the difference which was quite a bit.
Then he started finding ways to not give me money to help out.. Says I'm cheating.. All I did was work, come home  and work some more.. Now paying all the bills myself.. Meanwhile, he is still there using the utilities, eating the food I buy but now not giving me anything at all. I'm told I need to get money from the man I'm supposedly seeing.. Wish there was someone else..
After 18 years I left.. Stupid me should have left sooner but was too slow..
Was he using me.. YES!!! Did he think he was using me.. NO!!! His saying "The person who makes the most money, pays the bills".. Well, what about the person making the least amount of money?? Its not like he cleaned house or cooked dinner or anything..
I just don't like men who use women..
       
GoddessTee GoddessTee 36-40, F 19 Responses May 20, 2007

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guess what---my husband say he puts the parrots first--him second and me last. so sad

there are times I wish I was dead--not suicidal just do not care if I live or die

Maybe you will be lucky one day and he will get a rope and hang himself lol what do you think?

Sounds like my marriage of 28 years. And now that I'm ending it, he finally gets a revelation that he should have been contributing all along.

Good for you for leaving him! I hope you took everythng and left him nothing! :)

I'm an older woman, with a younger white male sexy and smooth talking but acts like a child at some point. he was living in Chicago and I was living in wkgn. We met on the job and he convince me we had the same thing in common we hang around each other a lot and then he kiss me I tried to convince him that are age different but he said he didn't care(and now I see why) With in a year he convince me we should move in, and we share everything 50/50. the first year was nice, the rest of the years was **** up, everyday he was drink he would sleep on the couch (verbal abuse) he would say I was obese, forget saying I was fat he went to the top. he started talking bad about me at work making himself look good. After two more years went by leaving late at night phone calls text he run into the bathrm,taking care of other females paying there bills, never paid one bill or rent .we agree we will save money so we can get a house together he thought I was so stupid that I will transfer the money to his account and said it was given to him as a gift. It's bad enough I help him pay for a car. He's grandparents hate me.and my family loves him he mess me up on the one day I will never for give him valentines day he was with another woman. And they he came home late that night and we had lousy sex.

10 months sounds like the "magic number". I too have had a man using me and trying to control me in my own home. He had 3 jobs in the first 6 months he was here. Hasn't worked in the last over 4 months. I was sick, hospitalized and financially falling apart. While he was good to me while I was on sick leave for 6 weeks, I wised up to his online shinanagans. Every time he felt threatened by me possibly going to kick him out, he'd jump on a dating site to try and find his "next victim". He'd lay on the "I love yous" pretty thick when he knew I was getting ready to defend myself. He finally took all his stuff and moved out 4 weeks ago, came back for 2 weeks to find a job, left a week ago again and now thinks I should help him out because he starts a new job this week. Claims he has no $ and needs to stay with me to save up a deposit/first months rent. That ain't happenin....I'm so done. I feel heartless but he didn't worry when my mortgage was late due to being sick!!! I've learned a lesson no doubt!!

10 months was the length of time I was with my charming using boyfriend also. I learned very early on that he is a single father who raised his daughter alone but I also learned a bit later on that he uses the "Single Parent Card" as a manipulation to get jobs, women etc...Just because he is a single father does not make him a good person!

I put up with his verbal abuse and put down for months - I would break it off and because of lonliness or low-self esteem would come crawling back. It's coming up to Chrismas now, a time of year I fin very difficult but I am better off on my own than to remain with a man who just uses me for sex or money or whatever. I would have liked to have had a child at some point but the clock is ticking and in a way I thin k I'm better off. I can use as much time as I need to regain my confidence and finally become a self-assured independent woman :) x

I just ended a relationship where I was being used. He was sly and knew what 'keywords' to say to appeal to my weaknesses and guilt. He was a pro. He has lived off of people from the get go. He has never lived on his own. He did work but not always full time and sometimes did 'sidejobs'. The problem was that I let him take total control of MY HOUSE, and I couldn't even hit the snooze button on my alarm!! I could never initiate sex. He helped out here and there just to keep me quiet or shut me up, but low and behold he'd turn into his old self. He had me buying him beer and smokes and he was also smoking weed in my garage. I have a law enforcement job and totally put everything at risk to try to be the 'cool' girlfriend for him. He always wanted to be with his friends on weekends and holidays. This is why we ultimately broke up...I ended it. I was with him for 10 months. He lived with me for 8. Need I say more??

I can relate to most of you. I am in the process of ending a ten-year relationship this week. I have been putting up with his lack of financial support for most of these years, but when he failed to provide me with emotional support, I had to admit that I wasn't getting enough from him to justify keeping him around. He was in the hospital last week with a serious respiratory failure, my mother died the same week, and although we were estranged 6 years, I struggled with her death I think even more. He verbally bashed me with a series of unrelated insults, ending it with how my keeping this private was such a hardship on him. His alcoholic daughters were here all week in our home, drinking at least four bottles of wine a night, and he had to tell me that the three of them agreed that I acted like I didn't like them, and on and on. I told him I had no joy in life, that all I do is go to work. And when I talk about my work, he's furious. I told him it's me who leaves for work every morning when he is still asleep in bed. He plays on the computer and watches tv, and I come home to do laundry, shop for groceries and do all the cooking, etc. I told him I have no JOY in my life, and he does nothing to add to it. The infuriating thing was when his daughter and his friend each provided him with two vacations last year. He had a blast and I just go to work. He thinks I resent his hobby of Nascar, when really all I resent is that I have nothing fun to do ever. Just work and pay all the bills. I'm such an idiot, but I am prepared this time to be rid of him. Where he goes is not my problem!

I lived with a man off and own for 23 years gave him money, feed him when he was hungry even when he did not live with me help him out of trouble, helped his entire family and gave him cars paid the insurance and all he did was smoke dope drink and run around with no good street women who did not have anything and did not want anything. He treated them better than he did me. He never had time for me not even for sex. When I caught him last year at the hotel he said I should have just walked away and not say anything. He moved out got his own place still see her and others and mad at me for finding out. I isn’t blind and no fool anymore. I know better and do better now.

I lived with a man off and own for 23 years gave him money, feed him when he was hungry even when he did not live with me help him out of trouble, helped his entire family and gave him cars paid the insurance and all he did was smoke dope drink and run around with no good street women who did not have anything and did not want anything. He treated them better than he did me. He never had time for me not even for sex. When I caught him last year at the hotel he said I should have just walked away and not say anything. He moved out got his own place still see her and others and mad at me for finding out. I isn’t blind and no fool anymore. I know better and do better now. To me he is a loser. He is almost 60 it will catch up with him sooner or later

Sounds like Daniel Evans

It is depressing when you are with someone only takes while you do all the giving. With those kind of people, it is never enough. For those that want to judge you, we have all done stupid and crazy things when we fall for someone- we become blinded and if you are the type who has it in your heart not to use or mistreat people you are often the type to not expect/ catch on quickly that there are people who could stoop so low. I was there- this man had me totally convinced that he loved me but when he would not pull his weight while living in my house, after one year, I had to kick him to the curb. If he had really loved me, he would have immediately gone out and gotten a stable job to help me but instead, after about of year of getting nowhere with his begging to come back to my house, he found another woman to move into her house. Its crazy but I still care for the guy. I know its because I am lonely. To this day, I still miss him because I havent met anyone to date regular and I may not have an open heart to anyone due to a fear of picking the wrong partner again. I am in counseling and hope it will help me deal with that experience.

Get a book called Boundaries, read it and wake up to your selves. You are allowing men to treat you badly because you have poor boundaries and consequently low self-esteem.

I was with a man for 2 years. He knew I had some money put away for bills/emergencies. About six months into the relationship he started saying I should move in with him to save money. What he neglected to tell me was that some of his bills were 2x as much as I was paying when I was living on my own. He also said that we would share all bills 50/50 and we both would save money. (yer right) And during that time he was always saying that he loved me at least 5 or 6 times a day and he would always want me to call him on my breaks at work because he said he liked talking to me etc. After 10 months of dating I decided to move in with him. One of the BIGGEST MISTAKES of my life. When I moved in with him I had $11,000 in savings. Within 15 months that money was gone and I was also using my paychecks to pay my half of the bills. In Nov 2010 that whole week he would text message me that he loved me etc. On the last Friday I was with him he texted me that he loved me, but in the evening he told me to get the F out of his house. By the end of the weekend I was out. Come to find out he put a fraudualant restraining order on me which was granted for 2 years based on lies. Now he will have nothing to do with me. I think what he did was use me for the money I had before I moved in with him and once the money was gone I was of no use to him and I was thrown out like a piece of trash. But Karma is going to get him. He is self-employed and has not paid taxes in 15 years so what I did was write the IRS and give them all the information on him and pretty soon he will be hearing from the IRS. I loved him and trusted him and now I don't trust ANY MEN. Men should not be allowed to use women like that. Now I am looking forward to IRS contacting him and him hopefully going to jail since it is a felony for not paying your taxes.

I'm chasing the Dream. The illusive he will change. Even though over and over he keeps doing the same thing. It's always tomarrow,and tomarrow never comes. I have my hands on a lying con artist. He's very charming, but I'm down thousands and still, he is simply like a not paying slot machine. I'm chasing trying to get back my money, I wish I had never met him, unfortunately , he thinks everything is just fine...But I've finally decided to move out all the furniture, It's mine, pack his stuff, and leave it all outside, change the locks., and take the abuse from the landlord on skipping out on the lease. He is a drunk,lazy, bum, who lies constantly, I'm the one who must change, and quit believing his lies. I'm Jaded but not beaten. Walking away is winning.

I've noticed more and more men over the years relying on the woman to support them..I married my first husband and was together with him for 7 years..at the end of the relationship I was 20K in debt and he had saved 10K..Im now married to a man for two months now and just now beginning to realize he never offers to pay for anything..he's on unemployment and helps pay the bills, but Im about to be foreclosed on and he hasn't once offered to even try to help. I guess once I lose the house and he has no where to go, he'll find someone else to mooch off of. He's very sweet, but I have a strong need for equality financially and emotionally and it's just not happening. Why are we so stupid when it comes to love?

i am so tired of this **** with this person........ i have put out for this mf time and time again, and now he says he still wants to see me, but not every day ? he is totally committed to seeing to his brother....taking care of him......... making sure he goes to the doctor appointments ...this guy just makes me want to puke..........plus he smokes cigarettes, and marijuana, and sells his pills to junkies...
well, today i saw his arse and told him i was able to move around and doing better, and what was his sorry *** response? he didn't say a f--king thing ! but had the nerve to ask how much money i had.( we were standing outside the casino) ...he had just lost 12 dollars....i guess he thought maybe if i had enough i would give him some....well that has grown old too...for i have given his arse over 140 dollars just this month to help him get his sh_t moved from the coast to here....and this is how he treats me ?!
I should be treated like a princess ...and here I am being treated like ..".if I cant use ur arse for something, then i don't need you around...
that mf lived in my place over 5 months, ate my food, rarely gave me any money, screwed up my pots and pans, and talked all that sweet **** as long as he got something from me.......now he and his sorry brother have their own place, and since he don't NEED anything from me, he doesn't even want to see me every day ....what a low life !!
i wish i was a guy, i would beat the crap out of him !
i don't deserve to be treated like this !! he can screw his brother from now on !
i told him this evening that it isn't working, and asked him if he wanted to break up, ....his response was 'if you wanna break up, then fine, i will get my key back from you tomorrow'...........'fine??!'.....that was what he said??? fine ??? like he was saying, 'whatever, i don't care .'
damn him !! damn all the men who ever hurt me like this !! i give my heart and this is what i get, my heart shoved right back into my face, like i don't matter one bit.
hope he and his brother dies !! hope they smoke themselves to death !!
yeh i am pissed off, not from my heart hurting, but from the audacity of him treating me like i mean nothing .... satan better look out when he gets there, he will try to take over hell itself...
even after they moved into their own place, he came over and got food from ME !! and they make over 2000 between the two of them !!
yeh....well, he won't ever get another dime from my arse ever again....
oh yeh,,,,after he asked me if i had any money for to loan him like 5 dollars, i told him, 'not really' and he had the nerve to say,...' i didn't think so'....
geesh ..what a f'ing loser he is........cuz ya see, my heart is grown cold to his games, he thinks he has me wrapped around his finger and can get what he wants from me....NOT
one day i was sitting on the porch when he still lived here, and he sat beside me and said this '' if you love me, you'll give me some money to get me some cigarettes.." can you believe THAT?!

i have had enough of his sorry treatment..........hard times ain't done with his arse, and i hope i get to witness it falling around him....cuz i will NOT be the one
who picks up the pieces !!

t

Huh...I've been where you are. Believe me, you're better off alone, honey. Stay single and take care of yourself and your children. A man is just a pet and a big baby. I supported my first husband for 10 years before I left him. We had one child together. I married a second time on the rebound to a man who had a very good job but was verbally and sometimes physically abusive and very controlling. He was financially very responsible but controlled ALL the money: mine and his. Thank God we didn't have any kids together. I ended up leaving him after 12 years of putting up with his constant criticisms, "an allowance" he gave me out of MY paychecks and his emotional abusiveness. I was single for a VERY short time after that before I found "love" again. Thank God though, I didn't marry him. I have become a mommy to this one. I give him money and "take care of him.". I figured out out FINALLY that the problem isn't with these men: it's with ME for hooking up with them! ---good luck to you. Keep your ovaries tucked in and take care of yourself.---USED WOMAN

hi goddess,let me preface this by saying that you mentioned he'd just gotten out of the military.what i'd ask is didthat have any effect on him in terms of change.any sort of trauma at all.however,with that said listen to what causticstorm said she is correct.he does sound like a horse's ***.also,i'd agree that it has alot to do with ego as well the macho stuff (and i don't mean stuff).however i believe that it also has to do with a great deal of self-security and his lack of it.be rid of it before it has any effect on you.sounds like if you're doing it all already so why have him around,period.believe it or not there are a few of us decent guys still out there.i'm one of the lucky ones.i'm married to the prettiest girl in the world for 33 yrs.but there are good men.please don't assess all men like this.you sound like a pretty nice girl,intelligent as well.i'm sure there's guys out there would jump at the chance.get rid of this guy don't be tentative push the button.you deserve better good luck be well

Sounds like he was an arsehole from the get go, all teeming with macho BS and ego. I'm glad your rid of him.