Physical There But Never Emotional Available

Let’s start at the beginning. As a child I was all sweetness and sugar coated, not a evil bone or a single thought of badness in my body. I really mean that, I was the kid who used to sit in tears in the school yard so upset cause the others kids were pulling legs from the daddy long legs (I don’t know what they really are called) the only thoughts in my mind then were how can anybody be so cruel. I never fitted in, none of the other kids would go near me, so I was bullied by them for being weird or for not having a mother to pick me up from school. I also fainted quite allot and was very behind in my class work. My mother left when I was a baby leaving my with my dad (so when I mention here about my parents I mostly mean my dada and nan) my dad who spent most his time at work or with his girlfriend. I was basically raised by my nan who I am fond of very much but I would say that she ruled her house and everyone in it by emotional blackmailing them. If there was ever a day when tempers weren’t flying in our house than it was a pretty good day. My dad never even used to spend xmas at our house he preferred his girlfriends house so as a child I was always depressed at xmas. My parents though they were physical there they were never emotional available. As a teen I loathed my father, it got that I coped better when he was never around he really bought the worst out in me and I would take it out on anyone who was within distance. My father also refused to take any responsibility for being a parent, always passing the hat to his mother mostly and when I got older me. He worked but he never paid any money in the up-keep of his children ie me and my sister except paying half the food bill but he paid to keep my half-sisters by his girlfriend. He never brought me presents my nan always paid for them. My parents were never the type for lovey-dovey stuff, they had no friends, they never went out for family meals or vacation, I rarely mixed with any other children. I guess I had a very isolated upbringing so maybe part of the reason why I live an isolated life to today.
26-30, F
Jun 21, 2012