I Cant Stand My Father

My dad (who is really my step-dad, but I call him my dad cause he is the only one I have ever known) wishes I didn't exist.  I have never been able to connect and tell people my story, because all my friends have wonderful fathers.  I was never good enough no matter how hard I tried.  I have two younger brothers (both of which are biologically his) who he treats great.  And I feel like it has gotten worse.  Let me tell you why.  My youngest brother started dating a girl about 10 months ago. My dad treats her like his daughter.  He treats her better than he ever thought of treating me.  Today for example,my mom, my brother's gf and I all work at the same place.  My dad calls my mom to go to lunch, but she says she is going with me.  He says okay let me talk to my brother's gf and her and I will go to lunch.  He has never even asked to take me to lunch.Right now my brother is gone on a trip.  Hes 20 and his gf is 19.  She recently moved out of her parent's house, but she doesn't like where she lives.  I right now am going through some hard times and I am living with my parents again (hate it..).  It was like pulling teeth for me to live with them.  I knew he didn't want me there.  But now she wants to move out of her apartment and he said she could move in with my parents.  When she is around he is nice to her and she even has said to me, "I know he thinks of me as a daughter."  He doesn't even think of me as a daughter. I come home and he barely talks to me.  Before I moved back I would come visit and he would ask me what I am doing there.  But yet some girl he has known for like a year comes into our lives and she perfect.  I know she's everything he wishes I was. She is thinner and prettier than me.  She's more talented than me.  I hate it and if I say anything to my mom she will get mad and say that I am just jealous.  Well yeah I am.  This girl has my dad's attention that I have been seeking all my life and still am.  I can't stand him.  I have tried and done everything, but I will never get his approval.  Although I do feel like there is some inappropriate behavior.  He touches her a lot and calls her gorgeous.  It makes me uncomfortable.  But maybe its because I never have gotten any affection.  I just want someone to understand what I am going through. The only person to have ever understand me was my abusive ex boyfriend.  He wanted me to stay away from my family because of all the hurt, but he only wanted that because he wanted to isolate me from them.  I just want someone to understand how I feel.
turninnburnin3 turninnburnin3
26-30
1 Response Dec 28, 2011

It's okay. We're all having daddy issues here :) I still have to wait until I get into college to get out of the house.