I am 29 and finally admitting to myself that I don't like or really love my father. On paper he's the perfect Dad. Despite the divorce with my Mum and periods of separation he worked extra hard to be present in my life. He couldn't support me financially because he's **** with money but that's irrelevant. He's the perfect father on paper and I know that he loves me.

But, I don't feel the same. I've worked relentlessly at our relationship over the years but our values are completely different. He is a shallow and superficial person who is completely codependent with me. He uses me to show off to his friends and validate himself. He treats me like a pretty doll, his creation, like I don't have a personality. I'm a feminist so I find it disgusting. My husband told me he tries to tell him to convince me to do things, like I can't make my own decisions. He uses me to validate to the world that he's a "real man". I am there for him and will continue to be, because he needs me, but I have to let go of the guilt that I have always felt for never loving him as intensely as he wanted me to. He is 75 and I will stay present in his life though its really hard and we don't relate.
wombattle wombattle
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 22, 2014

why don't you like your dad? sounds like he was there for you and he loved you. could have been a lot worse

My dad was poopy, but in the end I was there for him. He needed me and I needed closure.