My Picture Of The Good Life

The picture one sees in their mind of true happiness is sometimes hard to pin point, but for now, here's mine (this would be years in the future regardless of my current state):  married to a man that truly understands me and finds me to be the most attractive woman he has ever met, one kid (preferably a girl) who is super smart but I'll take anything if it came out of me, own a small cute house in the city I want to live in and close to work with a fenced backyard (small detail, oh well), have a career that I'm happy with (teaching), my husband has a career that he's happy with so that we have enough money to get by and then some, and we all communicate and get along. It would also be great if I had a successful writing career and got to help a lot of students.  

Here is how it is though, in reality: I live with my dad and stepmom (who is by the way the most forgetful and absentminded person I have ever met) plus my dog (who is the one roommate I get along with all the time except when he brings lots of dirt on my bed and barks at nothing, I work at a majorly part-time job and currently my boss is making me work with someone I don't get along with much, I have no good friends and hang out with no one ever (except for the very few times I either go out to lunch or the one time I went line dancing), I don't have a boyfriend nor have I ever had one nor have I ever had a date where I knew it was a date and liked the guy back, I am in a stressful post-grad program, I am extremely lonely much of the time, I don't trust my friends to be there for me anyway, I have not had a happy life in the past 12 years though there has been some level of happy times scattered through the years, I am a cutter by choice because of the above. So, I don't really like my life if the above was not an indication.

darknessofitall darknessofitall
22-25, F
4 Responses Feb 14, 2010

Many dream of what you want, and some only dream of a life with fresh water, or electricity, or enough to eat, or no beatings, etc. The point is you need to find what you have that you can be happy with. I love my daughter, my dogs, I have a roof over my head, I have my child still alive, etc. I know that these seem simple, but it is all in the way that you look at things. I have lost everything only to find more than I thought I could ever have. I was a millionaire, and now I live on welfare. I am happier now than when I thought I had reached my goals. Goals are just things to aspire to, life is acceptance of what we have. I am glad you have your dog!!! Someday you may get your other goals only to find you were searching for what you already have all along, you were just not ready to see it. Just saying.

thay was my dream too someone to share life with,a small place of our own and have enough money to get by on so as to not fight about money and so far nothing.dont beat up ypurself for not having a boyfriend,i didnt get a girlfriend till i was 29 and still living at home at 28 and to top it off the only friends i have are here on EP

Cutting accepts all excuses unconditionally.

Goal's don't get fullfilled over night by the goal ferry.Time and more time is what you need when focusing on what you want. Now is the time for education and exploring for you. If you don't like what you have then make plans to change one thing at a time. Patience isn't always easy and it sounds like your ready for more but it's not time yet. Your choices are not a worthy excuse to cut. Maybe you want to speak to a mental health prof. in the meantime. Good Luck Darkness.