I Feel Like I'm A Better Person When I Don't Talk To Her

So my mom is a very bitter person who got divorced when I was in my 20s and thought her life would be better ... but it hasn't been for her. She 'jumps' on me for saying certain things and I just don't plain feel like she ever brings out the best in me.
I dread her calls ..
We live across the country so I don't see her much. We used to talk daily ... then monthly and now she is calling 1-2x/week... I usually don't answer but text or call back a few days later and we may talk 5-10 minutes at most. I'm thinking of telling her that I'd like to talk once a month and set something up. I really feel that if I didn't have a child (her only girl grandchild) that we would talk NEVER so I also feel used. We also have a religion thing going coz she is Catholic and my husband and I are Christian and practice non-denominational but she OFTEN talks about the Catholic faith and how it is the 'best' ... it is very annoying.
So I would really LOVE to just NEVER talk or see her again but I feel that isn't Christian so I struggle with 'honor your parents' which is one of the 10 Commandments. HELP!
theresa86004 theresa86004
41-45, F
2 Responses May 12, 2012

I agree about not letting that cycle repeat ... I believe that it isn't easy and one consciously has to use words and actions that contradict what one's mother said and did. Thank you!

My mom won't be getting a Mother's Day card tomorrow. I lived at home until I was 26 to comfort my mother after my father moved out when I was 20. I've spent years feeling torn feeling guilty because I didn't have that "warm fuzzy feeling" for her. I knew I was used as a surrogate companion and protector until I couldn't stand her smothering. Now at 44, I started feeling like a better person when I stopped talking to her last year. She became very unbearable after my Dad past away and very manipulative in many ways, my husband didn't appreciate the mental abuse she inflicted on me either. I grew up Catholic but have since found comfort in eastern studies of Buddhism. My mom cannot accept that I am not "Christian" or that I don't believe in God the way she does - This is her problem, not mine. I wish her well and love her for bringing me into this world, but I do not have those emotional ties to her, so sending a Mother's Day card feels inappropriate. All I can suggest is be grateful in your heart for your parents and ancestors that brought your into the world, and become the parent that you wish you're mom had been to you - don't let the cycle repeat with your own child. Peace & Happiness