I Had A Miscarriage & She Didn't Call Me.

i guess i'm still bitter or confused, but when i suffered my first & then second miscarriage, which was very emotional for me- i didn't hear one peep from this woman, my sister in law- who only 2 years ago- was so happy for me to become the sister she never had. she really made me feel like, wow- i have a sister! i'm so happy, but as soon as these awful things happened to me, I expected to hear from this sister- isn't that what sisters are for? is she just completely full of ****?
well, i learned quite well the difference between sister & sister in law. i really feel like calling her out, like thanks for blowing all the rainbows & sunshine up my bum while things were good, but as soon as things are rough, you don't do anything?? how do you have friends? do you even feel bad? i feel very foolish for having trusted this woman- i don't know who she truly is. i really thought of her as a close friend & now i feel like i don't even know her & it makes me really sad. in a way, i wish she would just be a *****- then at least i would know what i'm dealing with. i really just don't know who she is. selfish? fake? unable to deal with hard situations? i don't know- i feel like i've been had. what is brother in for? what else will she not want to deal with. my brother was advised to have a pre-nup before his wedding & i urged him not to do that, because i liked her so much. now, i'm thinking that may have been a mistake.
mabelmay mabelmay
36-40, F
5 Responses Jul 23, 2010

Hey who are you judging? She is not either of those that you have said and maybe you should ask her why she didn't call. You don't even know the reason and you assumed she doesn't care. Some people may just want to give you some room after having a miscarriage and maybe you're the selfish one who wants all attention on you. Have you ever thought of that?

How about this one....lost out son last year, adult son. Not even so much as a phone call from either one of my brothers or their wives. Not even so much as to say sorry for your loss........

i think your sis in law just didn't know what to say or how to comfort you because she could have been feeling your pain too keenly<br />
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you're fortunate that you married a man whose sister let you know how eager she was to welcome you into the family<br />
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i really wish i had such a good sister in law. instead all of i have is a spoilt selfish pampered princess who can do no wrong in her own eyes and blames everyone else the world and his wife for whatever goes wrong in her life. she even blames her university for setting tough exam papers when she fails an exam and fails every semester because she's too weak to see that she needs to start studying smart

I'm so sorry for your loss. :(<br />
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But think of it this way- has she actually gone out of her way to be mean to you?<br />
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You can't expect everyone to be there for you when you need them. You have a husband, I assume, and parents, and a mother in law and a father in law. That is what they are there for. If you got upset with every person who wasn't by your side when you miscarried you'd hate the whole world.<br />
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Sometimes in life, people just disappoint you. It's something you have to get used to. You can't expect anyone to be there for you, just be thankful for those who are and keep giving those who aren't a chance. <br />
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This doesn't mean you are unjustified in your anger. But it will help the healing process not to dwell on insignificant matters and to focus more on the main thing- recovering from your loss.<br />
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Sometimes, people who do want to help don't know how to go about it. My sister in law went through a miscarriage too at a young age. Though we weren't very close, I cried my eyes out for her and her husband. I didn't know what to say, and we weren't close enough that I would call her. I wanted to be good friends with her, but she's one of those "popular girls" who kind of pushes people away because she has enough friends and doesn't seem to want more. <br />
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Think about things from the other side. And don't get too discouraged by this. If she didn't go out of her way to hurt you, this is insignificant and there's no reason to "call her out" on it. What's really important is healing from your loss.<br />
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Best of luck to you.

First, please accept my sincere condolences for your losses. I suffered two miscarriages as well. Is there any chance that your sister-in-law might not have called, because she didn't know what to say? Did your brother call you? Do you think she might have been able to say anything that would have helped, or did you just want someone to listen? For me, I just wanted someone to listen. I got very frustrated with the well meaning family members who tried to console me. In the end, I found a support group for parents who lost children to miscarriage, stillbirth, or other birth injuries. Being with kindred spirits was very therapeutic for me. Maybe, when some time has gone by and the hurt is a little less intense, you can bring it up with your sister-in-law. You can tell her that you really could have used a friend. Sometimes, people really have to be told how to handle certain situations. If you express your needs and she fails you in the future, then you'll know she's not who you've thought her to be. Good luck.