Hard to Explain

I think it's hard to explain. Most people don't understand. I can't look in the mirror without thinking "you ugly ****". I can't talk to people because I feel below them. I was always treated the same. Not worth anything at all. My feelings don't matter and my thoughts don't matter. After being treated like that for so many years, how do you expect me to feel about myself? Remember Pavlov's dog? You learn after awhile.
26-30, M
3 Responses Jul 9, 2007

Hey, I feel on all that you are saying. And I could tell you the regular crap everyone says about loving yourself first and faking it till you make it, but what I try to do is focus on 1 part of myself no matter how miniscule and say ok, I like that. For me, it's my eyes which is a bit ironic because with sight is a HUGE way we pass judgement, but my eyes rock! And let me tell you not much else on me does these days. I sit in the dark all day reading and sleeping. Then I go to work in the evening and rail on my fellow co-workers and despise them and the extreme toxicity of my job. Hey, I am a pessimist by nature, but I'll be damned if I am going to be for life. If you need a buddy to let it all go with and not worry about all that other stuff, i am here for you.

I know it may sound silly but try telling yourself supporting and encouraging things every once in a while. When you don't **** up say good job son, or that was better than last time. I am guessing that you didn't become like this over night, that it took many years of people ******* in your fire or you doing it yourself. I know I don't really care for myself either because of so many things. However, I have been trying to be a bit more positive and supportive of myself here and there and it really seems to help me. <br />
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Definably not a fight I am winning over night but it gets better a little bit at a time. I know I have a friend at work that once thought the same way and worked at correcting it for 10 years and now feels like she again has some sense of self worth. You are not alone, good friends that know where you are coming from are a great way to help mend the wounds.

i can tell you that i completely understand. i know what its like to have people (especially family members) tell you how worthless you are and constantly compare you to others. anyone that just wants to put you down isn't worth taking the time out of your life to even listen to.