Well, I completely lost my post for some reason, and that's frustrating as hell (and reminds me of why I keep coming and going from EP). I wish I had the time and memory to write it all down again, but I don't. So I'll have to truncate it down to the nuts and bolts.

I was a hyperactive kid in special education until middle school. Everyone made fun of me, but really all I wanted was to try to win some friends the only way I knew how. It just didn't come naturally for me the way it does other people.

Late in middle school, I started pursuing the opposite sex. In 25 years, whether I had been friends with the girl or not, I was turned down by EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. What little self-confidence I had eroded down to zero.

What's wrong with me? Well, I've been called "fat" and "ugly" quite a few times, so that's a start. I'm introverted, socially awkward and anxious - maybe that makes me a loser, or maybe it's just human nature for people to ridicule what they don't understand. I don't get approached, so basically it's on me to make the first move, and I just can't do it because more rejection might literally kill me.

It just depresses me more than I can put into words to see all these people who have such an easy time of it. How I wish I could be in their shoes instead of mine. I feel like I'm resigned to spend the rest of my years on this earth alone. I'm getting real long in the tooth (just south of 40) and it gets more difficult as you get older. I've lost most of my family, who unfortunately passed on at young ages. I may just have to accept being content with the company of dogs. At least they've always been kind to me, never quick to judge, and always gave more love than any person I've met outside of my family.
forestlaw77 forestlaw77
36-40, M
Feb 20, 2015