Why I Need Moc

My name is Ahmed, I'm 28 years old now and I'm from Pakistan. I spent a tough life since childhood, parents use to fight and abuse. Shout and later on eventually got divorce thankfully, which ended all the war like atmosphere which I seen through out my childhood.

All this made me very reserve and non social, I never shared my thoughts, problems, joy sorrow and worries with anyone not with parents. Nor made any close friends. As I grew old I studies till MBA but never made any girlfriend or any close friend for life. Cuz I feel nervous or not comfortable in crowd lately. Being not that social also affected my career. So though working still could not settle well with my career, thought supporting my self.

All this made me like don't want to marry, I've male gay friends who try to give me care and affection and want a relationship with me, I've mixed feelings for him, not sure whether I should have relationship with or not, its something I'll decide later anyways.

Now my mother and family is pressuring me due to my age I should get married but I don't want to marry a regular girl cuz I know as I'm not fond of marriage, specially after marriage your wife may expect a lot from you, financially, sexually, emotionally, and when I will struggle to give this she will taunt me, fight with me, same mess as I saw as I child. I don't want that.

My violent childhood made me extra polite, calm, gentle, one who hates fight. So I need a women from any where in the world, in similar situation, I don't mind moving in any country, I won't be a burden as I can work to afford my self so I don't need financial help, I'm not sure if I can financial support anyone, I'll if I start earning decent for sure.

I don't mind, any religion, colour height, weight, all I need is one decent, yet caring loving heart who can adjust and live with peace and care. That's all I demand and expect, she can be lesbian or girl with any relationship, I can keep her hidden on private level and I can act as happily married couple, that's what I need to show to my family as well.

That's how I currently think and need, I'm a person who can mold my held too according to your need, as I know my self, in the end of the day, I'll care about your needs more than my own needs.

Usmanxhmed is my id at gmail or gtalk. Mail me if I match your need. God bless you all.
usmanxhmed usmanxhmed
26-30, M
1 Response Feb 18, 2013

I do not think you should trap yourself in a marriage especially if your not sure if its something you even want. If your childhood affected the way you view married life this dramatically then I don't think rushing into one arranged or otherwise is the best thing.

You need time to decide for yourself what you want and if you are not ready then you are not ready. There is more to life than just marriage and if you parents fought violently throughout their own they should know not to force the issue with you.

Of course I don't know how different the culture and family expectations and involvement in your personal life is where you live are compared to my own country. But forcing you into a marriage you do not want I just don't think its going to help you.

You need to determine if you are ready to be tied down to someone else because marriage is a very big permanent step. Also do you like women, or do you like men or are you unsure at this point. There's nothing wrong with liking either or both. It sounds like more than anything else you need some confidence in yourself first.

And unfortunately the reality is people who live together will argue or disagree at some point but it never has to escalate to a level of disrespect or violence. Just to be clear and patient with one another in those moments and always apologize if you do say something bad. And that's really my advice.