The Die Is Cast

The roles have been dealt, the pecking order is established. This time it's not my head on the guillotin base. I'm a spectator of the silent daily torture. I see myself three years ago, exactly the same situation. The same symptoms, trying too hard, being too hard on myself, and too kind to others, so stressed I couldn't think, couldn't learn, couldn't remember. And the same response from others, frustration, impatience, incomprehension, isolation.
My friend, in this life you won't get anywhere by being nice. Not by trying hard. Not by pushing yourself when you're so tired you just want to die. There's nothing wrong with you, you're just not okay right now.
This is not you. Do you see that? You don't need to change for them, they don't know anything about you. Now is not the time to be a better person. You have to let it all go if you are going to survive. 
I don't know how to help you, I can't save you and I shouldn't. For your sake and mine.I don't want to tell about my concerns to anybody. They will probably fire you then. But maybe it's the only way.
I know I'm not just imagining this, I have seen it and I've lived it. I guess it would be making excuses to say I'm not strong enough to help you. Then again I might just have some similar illusion, that my job is to solve everyone's problems. Who do I think I am, Mother Teresa?
whoslife whoslife
36-40, F
2 Responses Dec 13, 2012

It's been two months since he got fired. I remember the reasons (ie. excuses) I was given then, that the statistics show there won't be any need for him, his team doesn't have that much to do. This didn't really make since because already the decision to hire him in the first place was based on statistics, and statistics don't just show opposite results all of a sudden. No company makes such short-sighted decisions and regrets them a month or two later.

I got a feeling then, that I was being lied to, turns out the feeling was right. Last week they announced that his team will soon be joined by a new coworker. Well what do you know, guess your 'statistics' have turned around once again. Or not. Rather there were no such statistics in the first place, only personal issues just like I thought.

Time to join the employees union I guess. If that's how you get treated in this house. God knows what they'll do with me...

This week they fired him.
I was expecting this and probably was he. He's taken the week off, don't know if he can face to come back for his last couple of weeks. Well I don't blame him.
It said in the formal announcement that if we had questions about this then we could talk to our boss. I got really upset, so damn it, I went to my boss and said I want to talk about this. He was a little surprised but listened to me looking concerned (for my coworker or me I'm not sure). I don't think I got my point across that well, for some reason I was really nervous and incoherent...could be because the situation awoke memories of how I used to be bullied the same way. The fear of ending up there again. I basically tried to explain what I've written above, that he's been rejected by his team, his workload is too big and he's given no mercy even though he's new. I said I'd never had made it if I'd been in his shoes. The explanation I got was 'personal details that he can't discuss with me' and the usual limited resources blah blah.
So even if the startistics are what they are, even if they can't afford to keep him, basically he's still being punished for having personal issues. All the while we're being assured that we will receive full support for our issues.
I settled for this nonsense and case closed. I made my vague attempt, it was better than keeping quiet, but did it make any difference - I don't think so and I didn't expect so. I just acted upon my feelings.
Establishing myself the office hippie it seems.