I had never gotten the pat on the back gesture until yesterday and now I've gotten 2 of them.  Kinda weird.  Gotta say that gesture seems condescending to me.  I hope the senders meant well but just to let you know that one is not something I appreciate.

ReformedAutomaton ReformedAutomaton
41-45, M
35 Responses Feb 24, 2009

Anytime! Too bad these damn new gestures can be sent so generically. I bet you wouldn't feel to good about someone sending you an en masse kiss.

Okay..I have to admit...the pat on the back gave me flashbacks of getting slapped on the back way too hard in grade school. I did however have a positive response to the kiss you blew me. It hit me like...BAM! It was quite pleasant! Thanks!

Wow! 6'4"???? Maybe that's why you're getting pats on the back...they can't reach the top of your head! I don't think I have ever gotten a pat on the back and if I did I don't know if I'd like it! Maybe you should send me one so I can find out! Giggle!

Well I can see a pat on the back being quite appropriate if it's meant well. It would totally depend who is doing it. I don't think I've ever liked a pat on the head. Fortunately now I'm 6'4" so few people can reach my head. A tussle of the hair is cool....from the right person.<br />
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Well, I certainly didn't mean to hurt Lilt's feelings. I'll have to go back and look at the comments in this story cause she is a sweetheart.

i believe i see what you mean, but to me, it's a matter of a 'pat on the head' being condescending---a pat on the back i'd see as supportive. <br />
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in my life; i do not mind getting a pat on the head from anyone of any age--as long as i am comfortable deferring to them. <br />
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as for giving said pat on head: my kids, 7 and 16, are fine with it. as the oldest sibling growing up, i used to do it to my younger sisters. they, all but one, let me know post-haste to STOP it once they became adults--it ticked them off and made them feel condescended to. my youngest sister couldn't give a crap about it. we are the oldest and youngest and get along like peas in a pod--she is in fact the ONLY one out of my sisters i am close to. i also am close to my twenty-two year old niece like she was a sister. she wouldn't give a crap about a pat on the head, either. what's all this mean? probably not a whole lot, but it's been interesting to write.<br />
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btw--i sense that lilt's feelings may have been hurt. i am probably older than her and have never given how many years that have passed since i was born any particular credence in my life, nor in anyone else's, so i wouldve had my feeling hurt being labeled.

Well then don't pat me on the back :)

Let me give you a little advice...<br />
Don't make old people mad. They are already kind of pissed about being old. I doesn't take much to set them off.<br />
Off to Bingo....

I don't mind hearing that from an old woman at all :)<br />
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I am fine Lilt, yeah I've been losing a few pounds, need to eat better. I am such a nice young man, I know it.

lol lilt!

***pulls a loose thread of RA's shirt***<br />
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How are your doing, sonny?<br />
You look a little thin.<br />
Are you eating enough?<br />
You are such a nice young man.


I just added a logo for it. A chihuahua giving a pat on the back...couldn't be any better!

When I wrote this story I got tons of pat on the back gestures. Just a warning if you write a story :) <br />
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Thanks for joining!

HRmm... well, i did have a psychotic break when i was a teen, that was simmilar to having multiple personalities ;-) It was diffrent though because while i wasn't always "running the show" i was always aware... and my values were cored in all the diffrent me's <br />
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I guess i'm not as crazy as i used to be, though i still have mild dissociative issues.

Yep there's not a person in the world, or at least in America whose thoughts are entirely rational. I work with kids that are obsessive comulsive, extremely ADD, autistic, or many combinations thereof. Even these kids aren't crazy once you know them. For me crazy is those multiple personality or schizophrenic drunk homeless people riding on the city bus. I feel for them but they are freaking nuts!!

hey, accidental violence is the hallmark of the mildly insane... the partially deranged.. *GiggleS* <br />
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but really- i think everybody is just a little crazy.. I'm workin through it, but :-) some things will never change.

You are not crazy. Just a few minutes ago the kid I work with was saying "I'm not crazy!" He certainly is a little crazy. I love him though :) <br />
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Point being, the only people that are crazy are those people that say "I'm not crazy". I haven't been patted on the back in real life in ages. I think my friends have done that a time or two in jest, they're just being funny about it. Like if I said something kinda dumb and they responded by patting me on the back. That makes me laugh!

I don't think I'd let somebody pat me on the back in real life- let alone virtually. I'm a little crazy though- and really IRL there has to be approval before people come around and touch me, or they are likely to get some accidental violent action (with the exception of my son- he can touch me anytime, i always know its him) but that's why im a crazy lady ;-)

he he good, funny comments to this one ;b<br />
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C, no pats on the back from me for sure..Oh and no tickling either...but maybe a few winks, kisses, and hugs... How does that sound?<br />
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I cld use the other uummm more mature gestures, but you live to close, I may have to comply...hehe<br />
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5 C's, you hit the nail on the head...thanks!

I know what you mean by the condescending hug, men (that is men the same age as me) like to do it alot to each other, almost as if they're asserting themselves over you by touching you in your own space. Trying to make themselves appear as some kind of socially savvy alpha male type person. But as you there is also the older man pat on the back out of kinship, father-son type thing!

Well, I've already said that I'm a little sensitive cause of the steroids I was taking. They make me easily agitated. Also please note that the other male who commented on this story also thought it to be condescending, at least when someone younger is doing it to someone older.

hmm I've never thought of a pat on the back as something only older people do to younger people. It something I do with friends all the time. I would cut the people some slack especially since they were just trying show affection and had no away of knowing that you would find it offense if. To be honest I'm little baffled as to why it would bother you unless the senders are prone to mocking you.

haha...good stuff Emerald!

Yeah, let's get a "pinches your cheek" just for Lilt! We know how the ol' folgies love to do that to the youngins!! lol

Ummm, as we've discussed it totally depends on circumstances and who is doing the patting. Their age in reference to mine is also a crucial factor.

okay, well, now ya'll are gonna know what it feels like to get a pat on the back from someone younger than you. It's not pleasant!

yeah Celainn...a hug or a smile always works. You're right though that they probably didn't even think about what they're sending. <br />
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Lilt I'm sorry....I wasn't calling you old, just older than me. If you didn't want people to know you should've lied about your age...been in the 18-21 category :)

yeah Celainn...a hug or a smile always works. You're right though that they probably didn't even think about what they're sending. <br />
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Lilt I'm sorry....I wasn't calling you old, just older than me. If you didn't want people to know you should've lied about your age...been in the 18-21 category :)

Look at the bright side Lilt. At your advanced age you can bash someone over the head with your walker and you'll be excused because you're "older".

Underneath, would mind getting my walker out of the car?

You might get a few "glares" soon :) enjoy them

Oh yeah, RA, I'm older alright.<br />
My hair is turning bluer as we speak.<br />
Next time you are going to get a kick in your ***!

You are correct Dedre....and Lilt gave us the perfect example. She's older so I wouldn't be offended but the first pat I received was from a much younger female. I had to post on her comments that I didn't like that. She may delete me but oh well, at least I spoke my mind. I did preface what I said with "you may very well have had good intentions but..."

Lol, yea I kind of understand...I mean, it's one thing if an uncle or elder does it in a kinship-kinda way, it's another if it's someone you're not all that familiar with, or especially not familiar but same age, that bugs me.

No way, RA!<br />
The pat on the back means you did good!