Need Help With This Silly Fear

When people touch me, my first reaction is to flinch... Step back and prepare to fight... Not the way most people react to being touched, but it's the product of the things that happened between my mother and I.

Now that I'm older though, I really wish I could get these feelings to go away, this last year I had become friends with a girl, and I discovered just how bad I must be damaged. A simple brush of her hand against my back, or even my hand would send me scooting back wildly looking for space. After months of knowing her, I finally could stand letting her touch my hands or arms while we worked in lab, but it still felt like flame was shooting out of her fingers into mine (part of that I attribute to the hard crush I had developed for her).
Even though we no longer talk, or see each other I really want to learn how to tolerate others, A handshake is the most people can usually get out of me, and those usually result in me accidentally crushing their fingers, (I think this is because I subconsciously am trying to show dominance over them)
I want to be normal, I want to feel like I could ask a lady out, and not be afraid that I would make her feel that I find her repulsive when or if she tried to hug me and I get that cornered animal look in my eye... I have no clue now to get over this,I suppose I should get therapy... But I can't afford it right now. I crave the feeling of physical contact in any form, but at the same time I can't stand it... I need help

bommer537 bommer537
18-21, M
May 25, 2012