Ok, This Is Going To Sound Weird

it  really is.
i dont like to look into the mirror because im afraid to. im afraid that i wont see myself when i look into it. im afraid ill see someone else. im afraid theres going to be someone behind me.

it all started with a dream. when i was small, maybe around 7, i had a dream that i was in the bathroom. i dont know why im there but im standing and i turn to the mirror. but thats not me i see. i see an old man. he looks scared like i am. his brow is pinched in fear, his mouth curled down, eyes wide, his arms are spread a little, fingers splayed, and hes white. hes not mexican like me.

i stare at him for a couple of seconds in disbelief. then i yank the door open in absolute desperation. when i touched the door knob i saw my own hand. it was the mirror that changed, not me.

after that, ive had a secret fear of mirrors. i always expect to see this person whos not me. this old man. not this girl with the arched eye brows. shes too beautiful to be me, so why do i see her?
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Mar 25, 2012