I Don't Like to Take My Medications
Yes... I am taking a low-dosed anti-depressant called Lexapro. I have been on it for nine months, then I quit it for three... now I'm back on it, for a short while. I hate taking it, to be honest. It's not a harsh medication (which I have been on some real doozies before!) and it keeps my mood leveled. But I was never much of a pill-popper... :-/
It is helpful, though my two months without it went very well. I had no incidents and was fairly happy. That was because I thought had two real friends in life... it turns out that they were false and I wasted all my time on them... I didn't handle it very well and found myself slipping back into my old familiar deep dark depression. Still for a month after, I tried to muddle through... but when the thoughts of suicide began again, I swallowed my pride and I'm back on the stuff.
I really would like to be able to stabilize my mood without it. I know with more therapy, that will be possible. For now, I have to fight the urge to quit again. You see, I feel so great now and since I know that I can go two months without needing it, it makes quitting seem like a good option. BUT, I have very little coping skills, when things go seriously bad. I melt-down and crawl back to that familiar death pit of depression. Very bad! With the medication, it keeps me from sinking that low. I actually can stop, in the middle of a crisis, and then figure out a more productive way of handling things. Not to say that I don't ever get sad or lost... I do sometimes, even on medication. But it's easier for me to bounce back quicker and find a better solution, other than depression and suicide.
Still... I hate popping that tiny pill every morning. :-/
