When They Find a Man

Over and over in my life, I have had friends who were women, who used me while they were single.  Used me to find their husbands/boyfriends, to cry on my shoulder when things didn't go right, to double date, to introduce them to men, to go out bar hopping, whatever.  Then when they meet someone, get married, settle down, they have no use for you.  They forget your phone number.  You hear from them on certain occasions, bridal showers, baby showers, tupperware parties........etc.  The only other time you hear from them is if they split up and want to share their heartache or get fixed up or go out looking for another man.  I can't figure out why some women are like this?  By the way this story is not directed to anyone on EP.  I love all my EP friends. :)

Tumblindice Tumblindice
36-40, F
9 Responses Mar 19, 2009

This is not just women who do this. I have a great friend who is married to a real *****. He has been out of circulation since he has been with her. I know that your spouse is most important but you should not totally cut yourself off from friends. I have seen people men and women who do this and when a relationship breaks up they come crawling back like a sow returning to its vomit. Well with this guy we are still friends but if his relationship goes sour my relationship with him will never be the same again because of his actions.

Fleurina, thank you for your kind words. The friends I found on ep are not like this, again it is the people I know in the "real world". Even connecting with people I went to school with, they barely reply or give one word answers when I reach out to them. I know it's not true but they make me feel like I have the plague!

Tumblindice I am sorry to read that you have had this experience. Somehow I thought that with online friends it would be different as the friends could reply when it's convenient. Not so apparently.<br />
<br />
You are NOT insignificant<br />
You are a thinking and caring woman!

Fleurina, yes it still goes that way, I haven't been a teen for almost 20 years now, but women still pull the same old crap. I even found some old friends online and they barely acknowledge me, like their new life is so important. It makes me feel very insignificant.

tumblindice your story is so familiar. Less so now as I am older but I clearly remember when I was young, that when a friend became involved with a man, I would become superfluous. The rule seemed to be that it was OK to cancel an arrangment with a GF, if there was a better offer (a date). Didn't like it.<BR><BR>Sisterhood and all that.

Chancesbreathe, <br />
<br />
You are absolutely right. I'm too old for this. I have never dumped my friends for a man! The experiences I could right about are endless. My phone rings off the hook when they're having relationship problems or need a sidekick, like you say to "hunt". Once they find what they want, I'm not good enough. <br />
When they are married, they tend to only want married friends also..... and so it goes...

Tumblindice, you know I've had the same experience. I was the side-kick on the hunt for a boyfriend, pressured into double dates, etc. It's really sad that on the day of the biggest crisis of my life (I switched career paths and my parents were furious with me), my "so-called" best friend barged into my house, cursing at the top of her lungs, telling me I have to go help her beat up her boyfriend. (This was not the first time she was going through something like this, and they've been having relationship issues for a looooong time)<br />
<br />
She knew what had happened to me and it didn't matter. All that mattered was her agenda, her boyfriend, her problems. <br />
<br />
I had another best friend who took me out to dinner on my birthday some years ago, while I was still in college. She came over to my house with her boyfriend and they decided to make out in the basement nearly until midnight, while my family was home asking what had happened to them! I was 19, single, and furious because I had a short paper to write for class the next day. My professor was nice enough to let me make it up, but that seriously crossed the line. <br />
<br />
All these girls are sweet when they're single, but when they get what they want, they get whiny, bossy, and they pretend they know everything about dating, even if they've been dating THE SAME guy since they were 17.

yeah, I guess some people look at others as replaceable, I don't see any of my friends that way. it is really sad. :(

I wish some of my friends felt the same way. As soon as they get involved then I can't seem to find them????