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I Don't Like Yelling

I Can't Yell

By: dkong90
Written on September 23rd, 2009

I've been with my girlfriend over a year and a half now, I love her, I'm comfortable with her, she's become like family to me.

Yet, when we get into a fight, as all couples do, she's very opinionated, and if she gets mad or upset, she'll yell. And what's weird, she wants me to yell back. She feels like I express my problems better when I yell and am not telling her the whole story when I don't "fight back." I've tried yelling, I've tried getting mad, but I just can't yell at her. If I do it, I feel immediately horrible, just because I've grown up with my mom and dad yelling at each other most of my life, and I've seen how much it hurts both of them when they do yell. I was also yelled at a lot by my dad, and I hate yelling, I just really can't stand it, and immediately back off if someone starts to.

I just don't know what to do with my girlfriend, because she wants me to stand up for myself and yell, but I'd rather work things out without yelling, without those high crazy emotions, because I just can't bring myself to yell at her. I care too much about her.

By: dkong90
Age: 18-21 , Male
338 people have read this story

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2 responses
  • SSDifferentDay
    SSDifferentDay

    maybe she doesn't know of any other way to resolve a dispute. since you don't yell, you apparently have figured out another way of dealing with it. KUDOS! you should teach her, not meet her on her level.

    Sep 30, 2009
    1 like
  • Nyxi
    Nyxi

    Sounds like your girlfriend has some anger issues. You do NOT need to yell back. In fact, I commend you for not doing so.



    My advice would be to let her know exactly how you feel about yelling, and how counterproductive it is to finding solutions. You might also mention (when she is not angry) that you would like her to seek help in anger management. There are many counselors that will work with people who cannot deal with their emotions. There are books on the subject as well.



    In the event she yells again, I would say: "I'll discuss this with you, but not until you have calmed down, and stop yelling at me. I will not speak to you when you are behaving in this manner."



    There's no need to "fight back." Disagreements will occur, because not everyone will always share the same views. However, it's not a matter of winning or losing. You want to achieve clarity and understanding. Two people yelling at each other is not conducive to achieving that effect.



    One cannot change another person, so if your attempts fail, it may be time to reconsider whether or not you want to remain in this relationship.

    Sep 23, 2009
    1 like