I Don't Love My Boyfriend Anymore

I took me a lot of effort to acknowledge this, it's hard for me because he really is a nice person and loves me very much, however, i think I am beginning to experience life as the real person that I am. This is sad because we've lived so many things together and I really don't want to break his heart.  Sometimes I wish we could become just friends, the thing is that I am eager to know other people, and fall hard in love for someone, I've tried to make him the love of my life, but , God, his personality is so difficult, and he doesn't do much to try to understand me, sometimes I think he doesn't want to realize what is happening to us.... :(
exploring exploring
31-35, M
19 Responses Jan 25, 2007

The first thing you need to do is acknowledge that it's okay to feel this way. You are human, he is human and these things happen. To me it sounds like you feel guilty for not loving him, but you shouldn't. You are growing into your own person, your boyfriend was part of that journey but now it's time to move forward.

I once was in the exact same situation, but I stayed in the relationship. What happened was I grew very resentful with him and didn't treat him the way he deserved, and he noticed. I ended up breaking his heart far more than I would have if I ended things earlier.

My only advice is to be honest with yourself and honest with him. I promise things will be better off for it <3

I know the feeling, I think.... It's like part of me loves him and wants to stay, but something is constantly pulling me away. All of a sudden I'm starting to notice all the other cute boys around me, and wish I was dating them instead.. And I have reasons to want to. On the surface, my boyfriend seems like the sweetest guy ever. And he is.. He'd do almost anything to come see me, he always talks to me, and we are always together.. Except for one issue regarding him smoking. After three months of pure hell I got him to quit. But one day it all started going down hill. He went from wanting to do anything to stay with me, to deciding that smoking was worth losing me over... He wouldn't even listen to what I had to say about it. He's mad me cry so many times.. I don't know how, but he still hasn't broken the promise we had made but I just feel so different towards him. I saw a side of him hated. And it's been making me see that side ever since.. All I can think about is how we are destined to break up.. I don't even feel like we have anything in common sometimes. And then I'll think of the side I like, and feel bad about wanting to leave him and depressed thinking about my life without him.. Just to feel like I dislike him minutes later... I truly don't know what to do anymore, I just wish we'd never met =[..

I am so happy others posted on here. I am going through the same thing everyone else is. I had the spark and was so deeply in love with him in the beginning. I never wanted to leave his side. He made immature jokes and was very sarcastic with me all the time, which I loved for the time being. Now, it just annoys me and I find myself getting more angry with him. I feel lonely inside when I think about him and I breaking up, so I don't know what is going on with me. I want to end it and start a fresh relationship with someone new, but at the same time I really want us to work. I just don't know what to do. I can't hurt him.

Can I ask what happened with you two so far? I've been feling the exact same about my boyfriend and I think it might help to know how other people have dealt with the same situation :/

My boyfriend excalty...ive been seeing his faults alot lately and i dont know what to do...everytime im around him i see him like a ten year old..i care so much about him but i dont want to be by his side..

I'm glad I discovered this post as it is someway comforting to know that others are going through this. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years today. I'm a bit of a daydreamer with very high expectations of life, which hasn't been easy for him to live with, but he has and loves me anyway.<br />
It seems no matter what he does I'm not happy, and I let him know. I don't like his grammar, his appearance isn't always attractive, he makes jokes instead of being romantic, he leaves dirty socks lying everywhere...but he is kind, thoughtful, loving, supportive, would do anything for me. I hurt him a lot with my comments about what I don't like about him but at the same time im a great girlfriend, all the things he is to me! He thanks me for being supportive and caring and says I'm great for him, which I do believe. <br />
Then why are we not having sex, or feeling attracted to one another, or excited for our future together, or spending time and money on the beautiful house we just bought together. <br />
Everything is right, but so wrong at the same time. I don't feel a romantic love for my boyfriend anymore and I don't know why. It hurts.

I'm 20 years old and I have been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years. I've been silently struggling with the exact same problem for about half of this "relationship". It's nice to finally admit my feelings, I just wish we could truly help each other. i think the only thing to do is to confront our feelings...head on. talk to the other person and tell them exactly how we feel. I know now, that we can't let feelings like this run our lives; they will destroy us and our relationship. I want nothing more than to fall in love and sometimes I try to convince myself that's what I am...in love. I know deep down, I'm just settling for an unhappy relationship and trying to blind myself from her true being. We need to be happy and we can't let others come between us and our dreams of love.

I'm afraid of breaking up my first boyfriend, we started the relationship 1 and a half year ago but then neither he nor me didn't seem to care about what would happen .then we started to have a deeper relationship and knowing better each other, and ever since i've become jealous over his ex-girlfriends he added on facebook, the nice way he used to go along with them and compared with us it appears to me that he misses all those qualities some of them had, (i'm so serious, with not too much self steem and we have different interests). I feel, as the girl of the last post, he is a very good person and deserves the truth over my feeligns toward him. cuz i want him more like a friend, something changed. we're young and i hope the stuff i'm about to confess him is not a big mistake

lilymay 1234 i am going through the SAME EXACT SITUATION. My boyfriend is amazing and always wants the best for me and is there to cheer me up when im down. Just like you i wanted to be with him all the time and if i wasnt with him i was thinking about him constantly. I even considered moving in with him and told him how if i ever wanted marriage and kids it would be with him. After awhile i stopped feeling this way and even questioned myself to see if i really loved him or not. I dont feel much when we have sex anymore i do it because he loves it and enjoys it but its not the same way for me anymore, i dont enjoy it as much as i used too. Im also 18 and everyone tells me i have my whole life ahead of me and to just have fun and someone will come along that is right for me. I also see him as more of a bestfriend than a boyfriend but i dont want to let him go for the fear of not having someone love me and care for me as much as he does. i know this is really selfish but it breaks my heart that i feel that i cant love him the way he loves you. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! i dont know if i want to stay in this relationship and try to work it out or just end it.

oh my goodness--i just noticed this story and the post i left on it!<br />
fortunately, i broke it off with that guy not long after posting that comment. we're still friends, too! :D<br />
hope the other girls have found successful resolutions, too!<br />
<br />
and lilymay1234--<br />
believe me, i know it's not easy, especially when you've been together a long time. presumably, you're looking for the guts to end things with him-- if so, you can do it! it might be hard, but you'll be glad you did.<br />
good luck! *huuugs!*

I'd love to know how it worked out for some of the people in previous posts, I think I'm going through the same thing. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and he's my first serious relationship. At first we'd spend every moment together and when we weren't together I'd think about him constantly. I expected this 'puppy love' to fizzle out after a few months and it did, but we still had a great relationship because he makes me laugh so much and we can talk for hours and just be happy in each others company. All our friends say how much of a great couple we are, how they want what we've got. But now, for some reason I can't really explain, I find myself trying to avoid having sex with him. I take on more hours at work meaning I have less time to see him and it doesn't really bother me, but it bothers him. It's now him that always texts and rings me. He wants to see me every day and he gets upset when I can't see him.<br />
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The thing that confuses me is that I still love being with him and talking to him but I seem to treat him more as a friend than as a boyrfriend. I still think he's so cute and he does so much for me, I don't know what I'd do without him as I turn to him for everything and I can't imagine him not being in my life. I DO love him, I just don't feel like we're IN love. I don't even know if this happens in all relationships, that the shine wears off, but I'm only eighteen and I want to go through that feeling of being in love again. I don't really want to be tied down for what are supposed to be the best years of my life. Also, I don't want to hurt him because I know he really loves me, he talks about being together forever and getting married and things like that. I just don't know what step to take I feel like im stuck in limbo. Sorry for the long post!

I met the love of my life when i was seventeen, We were both in hurtful situations my ex boyfriend introduced us. His plan was to have the new guy date me untill he was ready to marry me .The new guy had just had his heart crushed by his ex girlfriend. So it seemed safe to let him take care of me. Well it backfired on him because even if we didnot love eachother then we do now. Im proud to say we were married on March 10, 1973 yes he may not have seemed like the one and for alot of years we waited for each to get over the past loves and we did. His old flame has been with 3 or 4 married 2 but is not happy and married my old flame has had 2 bad married times and a few gals but is not happy We r yesterday made 38 years i pray for many more. Yep he was the one for me but back then i would have swore he wasnt try to hang in there u never know lol

i know, its so difficult to believe right now, but he doesnt seem like the one for you. However, keeping positive maybe difficult but is the best thing to do right now. There is somebody out there for you. Love doesnt happen just because you want it to, your heart and exclaming your emotions by saying, "hes not the one for me" I hope this helped you, and im sorry that you havent found "the one" yet. Every Mr wrong = one step closer to Mr right :) bare it in mind.

I'm in the very same situation. My boyfriend is the nicest person i have ever met in my entire life. And everyone around me agrees. Everyone marks him as "SUCH A GOOD GUY"<br />
I love him, but , i just doont have that "head over heels" love that i've heard so many describe and experience. Maybe this feeling is fictional ? but i just dont know how to break it to him.. He is so very loving towards me and always give me constant attention and support! I just dont know whats wrong with me, its eating away at me slowly. The guilt of not feeling how i should feel is unbearable, as i can not return the feelings he has for me. His the best friend ive ever had. My first "love" <br />
Possibly I just expected love to be more amazing? Maybe my expectations for love are to high?<br />
Either way, I cannot ever imagine breaking this news to him.. So I have no idea what steps to take..<br />

What is causing this ? Do u know ? Is it you or is it him ? Think twice before any big steps because u might be in the standing point in a realationship , were u have less feelings for that person but when it's done and over u may dread everything so give it some time. Work out your little problems first.

i have been in this situation for so long.. i have been with my boyfriend just over 2years.. he is such a lovely guy my family love him and his family love me.. and as i am indian.. this is a big deal. <br />
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ive tried for so long to love him how he loves me... i dunno how much longer i can carry on =( <br />
i cannot be intimate with him anymore. i want to stay friends but i know that even if he wanted to he couldnt. <br />
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i'm in an odder situation as i have told him how i feel and he still wants to stay with me to try and help me overcome this. he has tried everything and has become so perfect and i dont want to hurt him.. he is someone i would love to marry and spend the rest of my life with .. so why isnt the love there? <br />
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i just dont know what to do anymore.. i have told him he deserves the love and he still doesnt want me to leave.

I am going through the same thing. My boyfriend and I just celebrated 2 years together this weekend and he's just as in love with me as ever. He loves me so deeply and unconditionally and would do anything in the world for me. He loves to do everything for me from making dinner and breakfast each time I see him to baking me cookies, washing my car, etc. He is so emotionally supportive and sensitive too. But he just doesn't understand me the way I thought my partner should and I find that while I care about him a lot, I am not and have never been in love with him. <br />
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Most people think we are so in love because we are always all over each other when we're together and we talk with each other constantly. I'll admit I find his presence comforting and I love being near him, but I just don't have super strong feelings for him.<br />
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I am supposed to tell him really soon if we are getting married or not. He is a really good guy and I'm afraid to let him go. We go together in some ways, I guess. But I just wish I could be with someone I fell deeply in love with, not just someone who fell deeply in love with me. Once you've been married for a long time, maybe it doesn't matter but I don't know.<br />
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I am also unsure of what to do. We are taking a "break" for the next two months so I can really see if I want to get him back or not.

wow. i'm so sad to say i'm in a similar situation. i think if i could get the guts i'de just tell him! it's over. but i still love him (in a different way now) and i don't want to break his heart!<br />
but we deserve to be happy too, right?<br />
i've broken up with other guys w/o much trouble...i don't know why it's so hard this time!...<br />
well, good luck with your situation!

i can relate. i'm really struggling with this at the moment myself.

Don't try and force love upon the two of you. Love doesn't happen by wanting it to. Love happens when you see eye-to-eye with someone, and you understand them and are there for them, and vice-versa. Just take comfort in knowing that there is not just one person for each of us, even though it may feel like it.

Go on vacation with him. And tell him he needs to make a real effort.