What To Do?

My boyfriend is such a great person. He's very good looking, funny, charming, sensitive, intelligent- all the things people look for in a partner. But the question I have been asking myself lately is this- why don't I love him when he has all this great stuff going on? I will say this. He has been unemployed for almost a year and this has really affected his confidence. The reason I was so attracted to him initially was because he was so outgoing and social. We always went to bars and clubs together and had an amazing time. Now he prefers to sit in and watch a movie, While this is enjoyable, I feel that our old routine of going out partying and socialising was much more exciting.

Also I am a little worried that it's me that is the problem, not him. Firstly as I said above, I really love being with him when there is plenty of alcohol involved. But thats not saying much about the strength of our relationship. Also, the guy I was going out with before my current boyfriend was troubled, and could e very mean and selfish.. but I was totally head over heels in love with him- and I still think about our relationship everyday. But my current boyfriend treats me so much better so why don't I love him as much? Am I one of those women who can't be happy unless she is in a relationship filled with drama?

I thought I was in love with him a few months ago but now all I van think about is my last boyfriend and how intense my feelings were for him.. and how I don't feel the same way about my current boyfriend. I am finding it really hard to deal with the fact that my once highflying, hard working confident boyfriend is now unemployed, inward and a little depressed. If Im being honest, I find it unattractive. I know how selfish this sounds. I am trying to be as supportive as I can, but my feelings are dwindling quickly. Any of your views would be really appreciated. Should I break up with him?

One more factor: we have a business together.. break-up would equal financial disaster!!! I'm in a sticky situation

seriouslyconfused seriouslyconfused
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 10, 2010

You need to have this talk with your guy. The part about how you felt excitement in the relationship in the first place. Tell him that he needs to man up and get his confidence back, not just because you find that more attractive (as do all women, which is completely natural) but also for his own sake. Find out what's been bringing him down and work it out together. It's the only way to rescue this relationship. So try that before you decide to leave him.

Hey,<br />
<br />
I can relate to your story too...I'm dating someone right now who I think is an amazing person, smart, funny, attractive...but as of right now I don't feel that passion. I feel like I had a better connection with my undergrad boyfriend that was definitely not as nice or as good of a person...So, I ask myself the same questions you ask yourself: is the reason I am not in love with my bf that I have intimacy issues...The truth is I don't know. So you're not alone!<br />
<br />
Having said that...first of all I definitely think you shouldn't stay with him because of the business that you mentioned. Next, I don't think you should feel so hard on yourself for not liking his new, more passive self. You were attracted to his outgoing/social side and with time it changed...that's not his fault or yours. Has he been looking for new work? Is he a bit depressed because of that? How is it possible that he has not been able to find anything in such a long time? Does he not feel like going out because of the costs or because he's just feeling down? If it's his personality not to like socializing that much, then that's probably a big difference between you too and you have to think about what that means to you. If he's down because of work maybe its situational and his old self will come back...but don't beat yourself up for your feelings dwindling. you're so young it's no wonder you feeling like going out on the weekends! Could you picture yourself talking to him about some of your concerns???<br />
<br />
My final advice (the same advice I will apply to myself) is that if your feelings for this guy remain the same don't stay...i'm sure there are nice guys that are also exciting out there...