Trouble In Paradise

I recently married my high school sweetheart, we've only been married for about 4 months and I just feel like everything changed. I'm a full time student so I'm always doing term papers and studying, sometimes staying up all night while he sleeps. Sometimes studying extends to the weekend interfering with things he wants to do like go to his family's house or gatherings, which I think bothers him to some extent. He is in a club, it's his hobby, and honestly it has bothered me from day one. It's not so much him being in the club, but the devotion he has for it and his fellow members. Sometimes we are home and as soon as they call it takes him 5 seconds to be out the door to meet with them. During the week, he gets home from work at around 6pm and if they call him at 7 or 8 he leaves and won't return home until about midnight and I can't stand this. On the weekends, they gather to go to shows and usually they are from 7am to about 6pm; in an attempt to be involved in what interests him I accompanied him to the shows and tried to be supportive. However, he would leave me at the booth were we set everything up and go talk to other people. I feel like I don't get enough attention from him and often times I feel alone and depressed. I love dancing and having fun but since we got married we've only been out dancing once. I'm tired of the same routine we have and I feel like we need change, but he seems to think everything is fine. I have tried talking to him but he always turns the situation around to me to say that I don't support him and he has to give everything up for me. I don't know what to do. He doesn't notice that I am unhappy, but I can't keep doing this and pretending it'll get better on its own. What should I do?
happiness37 happiness37
2 Responses May 19, 2012

welcome to the married life sweetie. Honestly, There are two massive mistakes I see in your situation. Number 1 is that you got married fresh out of high school. I'm sure you hear it all the time, and I'm sure you (obviously) see things differently; but then again, there's a reason why it's a widely accepted idea that young couples (even married ones) never last. Just sayin. And the even bigger issue, number 2, is that you don't have your own life. Yes you are in school and seem to be very dedicated, but you shouldn't feel the need to be apart of his hobbies and friends just to feel whole. Pick up an instrument, take a cooking class, (since u want to go dancing) take a weekly dancing class, any genre you want! Something! But the bottom line is if you don't have your own life, how are you supposed to share it with someone else? He has his own friends and his own interests, and that is wonderful, you should be HAPPY for him and not jealous. You should be thankful he isn't moping around the house doing nothing, checking up on you every 10 seconds because he has nothing better to do. At least he is being productive, involved and social. (which is a hell of a lot more than most guys even want to do.) Yes you are married, yes you love each other, but NO you don't have to take on his interests, hobbies, friends, ect. Those are his, don't be so selfish as to try to take those from him... Please don't have children. Not anytime soon at least, maybe get the IUD (since the pill is bullshit) and wait at least 2 years. At least. If a child is brought into this chaos, that will be a whole net set of issues (for the both of you) as well as the kid. Trust me when I say he loves you. He married you didn't he? he still comes home to you at night doesn't he? So what if it's not the hour you'd prefer or if you don't have as much time together or attention as you want. You are married. You have the rest of your lives to spend together. Am I wrong? Besides, you really think he'll be 40 and still doing all of his outing with his club? Cut him a little slack, and like I said, pick up a hobby or get involved in something of your own. This may have come off a little upfront, possibly rude, but I'm only trying to help you. And this is probably the most brutally honest advice you are going to receive on the topic, so please, take it seriously.

Well, honestly I can tell you that when I got married 2 years ago, I felt the same way....and till this day it's just as bad...or even worse. I finally told him today that I wasn't in love with him anymore. I can't stand it anymore and I'm only with him for my son, and it shouldn't be this way. I should be with him because I love him...but I don't. Don't have children, it makes things harder. I want to pick up my son and never come back home. Go live somewhere else and I know I'd be so much happier. Good luck!