Paralysed By Change

I've been with my husband for 5 years, married 3. I've felt in my gut for the past 2 years, that he is not the one for me. I get annoyed with everything he does, and become irritated and not myself. He is a good man, I feel that he deserves better treatment. I feel that in the past few years, I have grown internally, and now I feel as though I am married to a big kid. Maturity wise, we are so far apart. I don't feel connected to him. There is no emotional intimacy. And our sex life has struggled from the start. There were a few times where I cried when we tried to have sex, because I felt so disconnected. As if I were betraying myself.
Yet, I find myself afraid to change. I've known I wanted to leave for the past year, I just can't move into action! I'm afraid of the guilt, and shame. I know I will be absolutely crushing him, as he says he is mad about me (which confuses me...is he content being in an emotionally distant marriage?). I just finished my masters degree, and his parents helped me out to the extent that I couldn't have done it without them. I would feel horrible just leaving after all that they and my husband have done for me. But it seems that the guilt is the only thing keeping me.
How can I get to the point where I can truly feel okay about leaving? I'm 29 and worried that if I wait too long, I may not be able to meet someone and have children
therewillbeananswer therewillbeananswer
26-30, F
4 Responses Sep 14, 2012

I am in almost the exact same position as you,been with my husband 6 years married 3. I do feel that we just aren't connected anymore and life has changed and we are no longer compatible and I know I want to leave but I am so comfortable and we have a house and a nice life together that I am honestly hesitant to leave, but I can't stand not following my heart. I've given my husband chances to change and he just isn't capable and I see he is trying but its just that too little too late mentality I guess. I truly hope things work out for u and I am trying to find strength through other peoples experiences thank u

If you know deep down inside you don't love him then you need to leave him. Life is short and you don't want to waste your's in a bad relationship.

You sounded like my wife. She never gave me a chance and just left. Helped her with everything. When she got a nice job, she dumped me for her coworker who is a manager. Life sucks....

Well one way you could is to get a job,pay back his parents and then you may not feel so obligated to remain.I hope you can figure it out,can't feel good feeling trapped.Thanks for sharing your story.

Ahh, Men and their logic. Yes, I agree, this is the ultimate goal :) But I think where I'm struggling is just gaining the courage to get up and go. I guess I'm avoiding the hurricane...it's all so comfortable feeling trapped...because it's a feeling I know. Does that make sense? But yes, it would help to feel less obliged.

Well it is a start to your ultimate goal.Saying it to you is easier than doing it truly but we all have to start somewhere.But once you get a job you deserve based on your degree will go a long way to building confidence.You can do it.