LostI never thought one day I'll have a need to share my story anywhere, don't even know that I would have a story, I was hesitating to join this site at first let alone post this but I'm finally brave enough, I think........I'm a Chinese, 41 this year, I've known my husband since 16, we were schoolmates. We've been together ever since then, married at 26, we have a 13 yr old daughter ......sometimes I wonder, was it a mistake, were we too young, why didn't I gave myself more opportunities, I've so many questions still left unanswered. Back then, I had always told myself to walk the right path, never to repeat the mistakes others made but life isn't always a bed of roses. At around the age of 7 or so, I discovered my dad had an affair and I couldn't understand why, I had to find the answers myself, I had to ask and answer my own questions but nevertheless, I enjoyed my childhood, they were the best times. Ever since my daughter was born, I gave up my job, a job that I love so much, to be a full-time mom, not by choice as my brother and his wife had premature twins at the same time, my mom had to look after them and I didn't want to engage a domestic helper. Still, I was prepared for it and I had a wonderful time seeing her blossom into a young adult. My husband and I, we went through thick and thin, fought many battles, be it work, money, relationship, I guess it's normal. He's always busy with work, traveling up to twice or thrice in a month, coming home at the witching hour, family days are Saturdays. I used to wait up for him but I've stopped since he comes home even later than before..... don't get me wrong, I trust him completely, it's just that we have a communication breakdown somewhere along the way and he's never interested in what I do, rarely ask how's my day, it's always about him. Now at this time of my life, I'm at a crossroad, I'm starting to question myself, is this what I really want? I've never really ask myself that question before. Over the years, my husband has never really encourage me to work or do anything that I like, he didn't like the idea of me working at that time, maybe it was because my daughter was still young but even taking up language courses like French, doesn't appeal to him and because he's paying for it, he would rather I take up something that's more useful. He has a point but what happen to hobbies and stuffs that I like to do? I still went ahead with French classes after much persuasion. I've also been taking up yoga twice a week for 5 years now. Time has passed and now that she's 13, she has her own activities, I have even more time on my hands. I've always wanted to go back to work, just to be mentally active, socialise and have my own income but it isn't easy finding a job after having been unemployed for 13 yrs or at least a part time job that could match the timing when my daughter comes home from school and having to convince my husband, again, it's a problem. 3 years ago, I got bored and started chatting to people on a game, I guess I had wanted to talk to someone, I needed a listening ear, it's always easier to talk to a stranger and because the identity is not made known most of the time, it's natural to let go all that's been buried inside and hopefully, you won't be judge. I also realised that there's actually a lot of people out there just like myself. Needless to say, I found myself talking to an individual and I'm drawn to him......sigh, for the first time in my life, I'm not sure if I love my husband or was it just because we were young then, I hate where I am now because I don't even know what am I doing anymore and I am so very lost.
I just realised it's such a long story, this is the first time I share my story and I hope I don't bore anyone with it.
Unknown136 41-45, F 6 Responses 0 Mar 13, 2013