I Don't Love My Perfect Husband

I got married at the age of 20, to a nice guy, who I am not in love with and never really was. I don't have one logical explanation for why I did especially since I knew he wasn't right for me, but he wouldn't let up and eventually I agreed, thinking he'd realize this isn't working and we'd forget the whole thing.  It's been almost 5 years, and I don't love him anymore than I did then, in fact I love him less. I do wish him no ill and would love to know he's really happy, but I can't live with him.  I'm been making the same cry for all of our marriage and his desire to be perfect so that it would work is acting on my nerves.  Its making me feel terribly guilty, and miserable, I'm continuously frustrated and suicidal.  What's worst everyone acts as though I should be perfectly happy because he's a great guy- and great guys don't exist, so if I let this one go, I'd be single and miserable for the rest of my life. I m Lucky we don't have Kids,but the pain is just to much for me to take.
8 Responses Aug 11, 2011

omg just reading this now i feel exactly how u r feeling, infact i left my husband last year and it was a nightmare i stayed at my parents house with ***** of a sister who clearly runs the house, who made me feel like i had done a terrible thing to such a perfect guy and felt like i was forced back, i went back thinking we could work at things, I have tried to pretend that things are ok but I can't anymore things just don't feel right....

Im similar was married at 20 im 24 now. I dont love my husband am not sexually attracted n we have no sex life i feel so depressed and dont kno if i can leave as we have 2 small children and i love them to bits i feel a let down to both our families if i leave i dont know what to do

Get out before you have kids! I am in your position, except that I have 2 kids. I don't consider leaving now, not with two little ones. I wish I had taken the chance back then and explored more. If it was meant to be we could get back together.
Now I am stuck and making the best of it, but with regrets.

Hello, you wrote this over a year ago, did you make a decision on what you were going to do? I hope you are happier either way.

Get out before you have kids. I thought having his children would help me feel more

I am in the same boat. My husband is handsome, a great dad, and treats me like a queen. I have no idea why but I just am not in love with him. For the last few years I have been so unhappy but I stay for my 2 kids. I also don't want to hurt him. He loves me with all his heart. I don't know what to do, stay and be miserable so everyone else can be happy? I just don't know.

Hey Alison, I just have one question for you (and I mean this in a supportive way) Who is the person responsible for your happiness?

yeah, its sometimes hard to see that through the pain.

I agree with what the others have said. I'm also in a situation where I'm going to have to hurt my wife because we are not in love with each other. I married her because I lost the love of my life, and then when I met my wife, she had been in a car accident and had permanent brain damage. I took on a kind of caregivers role and now this is primarily what our marriage is about. I've recently fallen in love with my old flame, and I don't want to hurt my wife, but I can't do this anymore. I made a mistake all those years ago, as it sounds like you did as well. But I've been learning, we all make mistakes. I know my wife will not want to let me go, but in the long run it's better for her if she does. And it sounds to me like it will be better for your husband if he learns to let you go as well. It sounds like you made commitments simply because you didn't want to hurt him. I guess I see a lot of myself in your story. But, life is short, and quite honestly it's too short to have to live stuck with a mistake for the rest of your life. You need to pursue your own happiness. And I have to believe your husband...... And now that I think about it, my wife as well....... Will learn that it was for the best in the long run. At least, that's my thought.

you cant be unhappy and miserable. i'v been there you need to get away and, not let him talk you in to staying. and he will try. he'll say things like i'll die with out you. he won't and to the people who think you'r crasy let them have him