So Confused...

My husband and I were married when I was 21 and he was 34. We knew eachother about 2 years, but had only been dating for 7 months. We eloped. Shortly after, my mom, who was my best friend, passed away. He was there for me, and was very supportive. We tried for a while to have a baby, and did about 2 years ago. We love her dearly but after she was born, we started growing apart. We never had a great physical attraction but that was becoming more and more of an issue and we were both changing in other ways.
About a year ago, we separated. He was devastated. I started dating my best friend, and I felt what it was like to really love someone. I had never felt that way about my husband. We even made plans to move and my husband and I were moving towards divorce. About 2 months ago, my boyfriend left me after finding out some things about my past and I was completely heartbroken.
After the break up, my knee jerk reaction was to go back to my husband, so I did. He is being amazing, we are seeing a counselor to make sure things go well, and my daughter is very happy. However, I still don't feel the love I feel I should for my husband. I'm completely lost, with very few people to turn to, and I just want that love back in my life more than anything.
ElleBelle13 ElleBelle13
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 18, 2012

It sounds like your feelings for your ex boyfriend were stronger for him than his feelings were for you. Although you may perceive things as having been great with him, it was an illusion. No one who loves you would leave you because of your past, no matter what it was. Also, he was not your best friend if you could not be yourself with him. However, apparently your past doesn't seem to matter to your husband. He is happy and your daughter is happy which is great. You need to be happy as well, though. Give it time. Real love is different than infatuation. It isn't usually the fairy tale we'd all read about. Maintaining healthy relationships is hard work. Your feelings change as you mature through life, so leave room for them to change.