I Have Tried To Love My HusbandI thought I loved my husband when we first married. I knew I wasn't madly in love with him but there was a since of respect and friendship. We had some difficult times and that love never turned into the kind of love you have for someone your in a relationship with. I finally became so depressed and desperate that I told him how I felt. We've even talked about ways to change the way I feel but he never makes much of an attempt. He constantly tells me he loves me in front of the kids knowing I will say it back to keep them unaware of the situation. He thinks that if he ignores this it will go away and he has consistently ignored the problem for 3 years. Im so unhappy. When he touches me I cringe. It feels like he doesn't mind that I dont love him as long as I dont leave him. The only time we make love is when I have been worn down by his annoying requests. I have felt in love before! With other men! I know why I married this man, he was safe and dependable. I was a single mom who had just spent the last 6 months looking for work in my field of study only to take a job just to get by. I had a huge student loan to pay and had never been with a man I felt like I could trust. Not to mention, I was working so many hours that I didnt get to spend any time with my child. It disgusts me that he is fine with being with someone who doesnt love him. How could he be okay with this?? And, how could he expect me to respect him for this behavior. I don't want to put our girls in a situation that will affect them negatively so I have to decide if putting them through a divorce is worse than living this way. I cant seem to find the right answer.
ILBATM 31-35, F 3 Responses 0 Aug 5, 2012