My Husband Was My Best Friend.

I don't really know where to start. I am 31 and have just recently seperated from my husband.
Firstly, I need to explain that my ex husband was my best friend. I think that is how I have seen him for our entire relationship but is also the reason it has lasted so long. The fact that there has been none stop drama has also been a huge factor.
We had been together since I was 20 and married for 7 years. When we met my husband was always the life of the party and I was attracted to him due to this and his looks. It didn't take long for my Mum to talk him into proposing to me as they got along so well. Actually, he got along with my entire family.
As he was secretly taking me to the room he had beautifully set up, it clicked what he was about to do. I was only 22 at the time and felt like I had so much life to live so I don't know if it was nerves but I felt sick to the stomach. When he did propose I started crying and ran to the bathroom to call my Mum and ask her what I was suppose to do. As you can tell, I wasn't 100% sure that I was going to say yes. My Mum gave me her advice and I figured he was a good man, hard worker and potentially going to be a very good husband so I said yes.
I decided I wanted to organise the engagement party quickly and soon after, the wedding to keep myself busy due to nerves and scared of getting cold feet. I didn't want to hurt him or disappoint my family. I figured if I kept myself busy these feelings would go away. Even up until a week before the wedding I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing. I found out that I was pregnant just before the wedding and that gave me a sigh of relief. There was finally a reason for me to marry this man. We had a beautiful wedding but I felt like I was fake smiling the whole time but happy because I was sharing this with my best friend (him). We are both very socialable people so it felt more like a party to me.
Our daughter was born and that was the best day of my life. It also became a good excuse not to have sex with my husband as I lacked in sexual attraction. I know it sounds self centered but just before the wedding he started gaining weight and wasn't looking after himself and that continued for the rest of the relationship.
6 months after our daughter was born my Mum passed away. My bestest friend in the entire world. I have never been so crushed. My husband and daughter were what helped me get through this hard time. He became my support person and even more of a best friend as I had no one else.
Soon after, my husbands business went under and we found out we were having another baby. At the time it was such sad news as we were moving into his parents place to save money.
Since we have been together, I have told him I don't love him approximately every 2 years. He didn't want to listen so we would dismiss my feelings, move on and keep going.
As more and more drama would happen, the less a thought about my feelings towards my husband. We then found out we were having baby number 3 and just before he was born we moved house for the 7th time in 5 years. My children are now 6, 4, and nearly 3.
I have just recently been to Bali for a holiday with extended family, no children and no husband. This trip gave me time to realise that I couldn't keep going on the way I was and that for the last 2 years I was faking my happiness. I did not cheat but I did find myself again, I was truly happy without him there but was worried about returning home because I knew what I had to do. I also believe that since I was 20 until now being 31, I have changed as a person. I want different things now but my children are my world and I will make sure they are always well looked after. I feel like I need to be selfish just a little bit because I want to feel in love and I want to want again.
I hope this helps anyone else that is going through a similar situation. I would love to hear from you. This is still very raw to me as it only happened a month ago.
Iwanttowantagain Iwanttowantagain
3 Responses Oct 11, 2012

So let me get this straight. You married a guy who: has a job, got along well with his now decessed mother-in-law, and is a good father. But while you were on holoday in Bali and he was keeping the kids, you suddenly discovered how horrible he was and you wanted more out of life?

I hope that instead of breaking your husbands heart; that you go and jump off of the tallest bridge you can find. You do not deserve him, or your children.

That's not at all what she is saying you uneducated ****.

I know exactly how you feel. I have been married for nearly 15 years. I married when I was 21 and my husband and I had our son (now 12) when I was 23. We had our daughter (almost 7) when I was 29.

My husband is a good man and a wonderful friend but I don't love him. I don't know if I ever really did. I think I married him because I was so terrified of being alone, although it sounds crazy that anyone so young would make such a permanent life-changing decision based on that.

My personal feeling is that you should wait until you are at least 25--and preferably 30--to get married. Until then you're bound to make crazy, stupid decisions. And make decisions based on LOVE--not because you feel it's the right thing to do. While some relationships based on the latter philosophy are good, in my experience, people who marry because of love are far more happy than people who take a common-sense approach to love. It would be like trying to write an essay using calculus instead of words; the wrong approach entirely.

I would never take my two beautiful children back. But of I had it to do over, I probably would not be married today. Or at least I wouldn't be married to him.

To complicate matters, I stupidly fell in love with someone (a single man) I met online. Which was good and bad because I saw just how happy I could be. I've never met this person in real life.

I've tried to cut things off with the single man several times but each time one of us says we love one another and then we are back to square one. He's been married before; I'm on my first marriage.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to meet him but I know in my heart it's the wrong thing to do because I have two children and am a married woman. He feels the same. This all started out as innocent flirtation but it's clearly gotten out of control. And the fact that we've never met each other (he lives more than 1,000 miles away) but still love each other is just plain nuts!

Anyway, just sharing my story. I think the moral of it is: IF YOU ARE MARRIED, DON'T FALL INTO TEMPTATION. It could also be read, GET A DIVORCE IF YOI ARE UNHAPPY. I just wish I could take my own advice.

sounds like you need a hug... :) xo