I'm So Confused, I Don't Love My Husband Anymore.. I Think I Have Never Loved Him....

I am so confused that any advise is good... I'm 23 yo I met my now husband when I was 18, we started dating and he was really nice with me and my family he would treat me so nice. I liked the way that he used to treat me like I was his queen, I guess I took a little advantage of that... Then I got pregnant and my mom talked some sense into me. I wasn't in love with him but I thought he was my best option, I mean I was pregnant of him, he was a good candidate responsible and hard worker.. I thought it would be really easy to fall in love with him.. I thought I was going to have a perfect family. But the day after we got married everything changed, we started having a lot of problems fighting and he became violent.. He started being mad at all times and being just a different guy... Ok now thinking back all those 4 years I realized I don't have any happy memories of our marriege, ex: the day our daughter was born he was mad at something... The day of her first birthday he got mad at me because I threw a party for our baby.. All of the holidays we have spent together he has managed to ruin them by getting mad at something or snapping for any little thing.. My last birthday I spent the whole day crying because he was mad oh but at night he comes and says Happy Birthday!! come on hello i did not have a happy birthday... All the important dates he has managed to ruin by being mad... 3 weeks ago we got in a really bad fight and he started punching the door and busted my lip open.. At that moment I realized I didn't love him anymore, that my heart was tired of being let down all those times that he has said he is going to change.... I was thinking about divorce but i cant get a divorce right now, we are in the process of buying our first house I dont work and dont have any money.. so i started thinking I need to finish my school so I wouldn't depend on him.. I told him I didn't love him anymore that he needed to make me fall in love again, but I don't think he understood cuz he hasn't done anything to change and make me fall in love again. I don' know what to do I am so confused
lsd89 lsd89
22-25, F
5 Responses Oct 31, 2012

Sounds like he needs anger management assistance.

Honestly, a relationship is a two way street. You give and you take... Although you are venting about him, what about you? What are you doing in the marriage that isn't supporting your relationship with your husband? What are the things that you should change about yourself to make the relationship work and become healthy?

Once you figure out what is going on -- on your end -- then you are ready to have a talk with him. NO ONE likes to be told "You, You, YOU" it is always good to accept partial blame when working towards a resolution. To fix your marriage you have to be honest with him about his faults and your faults -- and have a grown up conversation about what needs to change in order for the relationship to work for YOU and ask him for the same information... what needs to change for the relationship to work for HIM.

On another note... the hitting is BS and that has to end ASAP - "Hit me once, shame on you... Hit me twice, shame on me." NEVER accept or allow him to get away with him putting hands on you - EVER. Lock his *** up if he touches you again!

I could have written this myself. I don't love my husband anymore either. I got preganant with his baby at 19 and got married right away. I'm 23 now and he's been so unfaithful. I'm only with him because I'm a stay at home mom with 2 kids and no money. He controls everything. I want to get away and be happy. Not sure even where to start. I'm done trying with him. I'm done researching what I can do to make the marriage work. Whenever I'm out with my girlfriends he has to come along then he hangs all over them and doesn't want anything to do with me.

I can relate. I've been married for 5 yrs now. I told my husband that I'm no longer in love with him. He's been unfaithful in the past and I have not been able to get over it. I have no good memories of love and happiness. I married him because we had children together. My husband has been physically abusive in the past. I think he's still around out of convenience. I make the most money and he can't afford to live on his own and take care of his son. I feel like I'm just being used. I know it's time for me to move on, because if I leave it up to him, he won't.

I'm in a very similar situation, I met my husband when I was 20 he was 22, I fell in love fast and it clouded my judgement for alot of things, he smokes weed alot didn't work alot at the time etc but I loved him so much! Anyways we got engaged last year july14 2011- our actual anniversary, no proposal or anything romantic more like here's the budget find what you want (gee I feel Sooo special but stupid me so in love..) trying to plan a wedding was the WORST time of my life. His parents are very demanding and wanted to plan the whole wedding regardless of what we wanted just what they wanted, got to the point his mom wanted to choose my dress.. The whole while he said nothing to defend me or stand up for me. (but stupid me stayed) we then buy a house in may of this year and legally justice of the peace ceremony, tried to have a destination wedding in oct and again **** went down no wedding, needless to say I'm at the point where I feel like I dont love him anymore, I get irritated when he talks to me, don't care to spend time with Him, I would rather he be gone all day. And just feel disgust when I look at him, I want to leave but don't know how

Your story is very similar to my story except my husband never laid his hands on me (yet?). We're also in the midst of buying our first house. Like you, i don't have any happy memories with him. He managed to ruin them all. Sigh... I don't know if i ever loved him. And i dont know if he ever loved me either...

Ohh im so sorry to hear that. I feel like you, I dont know if I even love myself, I dont know who I am or where Im going.. I feel I have a shadow on top of me that doesnt let me get to the light ....