After 34 Years I Finally Said It I Don"t Love You

Well last year on the anniversary of my mothers death, I told my husband. I DON"T LOVE YOU. What drove me to it. I married him when I was 26 had a child out of wedlock that was age 6. Did not want anymore kids. He was 12 years older than I, but his first wife had cheated on him. First Big Flag I ignored. I did not need this guy in my life I had a new car, bought a home and worked a good job at a factory. He pursued me. We met at church. 12 weeks I agreed to marry him. He moves into my home, drives my car, and works at a factory. And is MOODY, depressed blah blah blah.
I go on to get my Multi line Insurance license and realtors license because he does not trust me in a factory, thats where his first wife met her boyfriend/husband after she dumped him. Whom she has been with the past 37 years. And is happy now.
We stick it out together 10 years. I move 1 mile down the road from his xwife so he can be close to his kids(she and I became friends even). All through the marriage he tells me he can't love me 100% because he never knows when I'll leave him. During this time he fights his x wife about custody, beats her up gets thrown in jail. Jury trial and miraclously was let go not guilty.
The factory he works at shuts down and he loses his job. Now I'm going to Med school getting my BS RN degree and working to keep my home and feed my son. He moves out and files for a divorce. I let it go through only for him to come back and tell me he made a mistake. Stupid me being brought up in a church I take him back we get remarried. DUH. This last about 5 months he gets depressed again, accuses me of being unfaithful (which I never have been) files for divorce again but drops it the night before it goes through. Now understand this man is 12 years older than me. Absolutely no insight at all.
During med school I was injured and sued a large corportation for negligence, was ready to go into court before the jury, when hubby smarts off to my lawyer he would like to get some money back he had been out on the past 10 years supporting me.
DUH again! I tell my attorney to "take the last offer made" and I walk away from $125,000.00 because of my stupid idiot husband. He had again filed for a divorce.
This time I pack up and leave, leave the state, med school and move to Florida 1000 miles away and finish my last 3 months of school in Fla. Get my degree and go to work, have a house built and raise my son. Of course every year he wants to come down and see my son, and ask will we ever be together again. Now remember he had divorced me for get this "Gross neglect of duty and desertion" that was the best he could come up with.
After being divorced 10 years I come down with a rare auto immune disease and was told I would live maybe 2 years. He plays on my sympthy again and wants to get married. I told him to go back home and come back a year later and tell me that he loved me and prayed about it. He did exactly that and after major surgery like a stupid idiot, and with preacher coaching me to "take back your first husband and God will bless this mess" I did. Long story short. I had private insurance that had to pay my nursing wage for the next 23 years (that was if I lived) and he was set to cabbage in on it.
So end of story we have been together 19 years. We left Florida, went to the Mountains built a log cabin on 2 acres on top of a mountain that I sank $600,000,00
of my disability money and inheritance money into while he has not hit a lick in the past 19 years. He basically retired at 55 and felt it was fine and dandy to live off my income like a King, demanding ATV"s Jacked up trucks, you name it.
Twice I have been coded and brought back. You would think the guy would be grateful,but nope, he just says don't die you need to live till your 65 to get your money.
Last year my insurance company offered me $168,000.00 to buy me out of my last 4 years of my contract I turned them down. He went freaking crazy mad at me.
Then this past years I and my 2 grandaughters was hit by a semi truck. I displaced a knee replacement in right knee, torn ACL in left, dislocated 2 disc in spine> I've had 2 surgeries and need knee replacement now in left knee. You can bet he is sticking around for this, as the truck driver admitted to the police officer he did not look and backed right up into me in a grocery store parking lot totalling my vehicle. Thank God the girls did not get seriously injured.
Now to top all this off, he recently in his deluded mind accused me of flirting with my his daughters husband out in the barn 3 times no less. Also the propane man, UPS delivery guy. I have had it. I told him. No I have never had an affair on you not because I'm some goody two shoes', I just think way too much of myself to do that. But at this point I said thanks for the idea, I may just start looking to see what is out there, despite being 61 I still have some life left in me.
So there, after 34 years I told him I was going to file for divorce, made him sign the home and all 4 vehicles over to me. And I took my money and put it in a bank account with my 41 year old sons name on it. He boo hooed and cried and said he did not want a divorce, I just said, too bad, I'm emotionally spent.
Well. its been 11 months I did not divorce him due to my 14 year old grandchild worships his Pa, so this is what I did to stay sane. I said you have a marriage on a piece of paper only bud. I sleep in separate rooms. Joined a book club, work up at the funeral home, getting my embalming license and plan on going back to work in 3 years. I am emotionally dead inside, he is basically a good guy, quite, can show love to this one grandchild out of his 8, but other than that, he is a LOOSER, unemotionally blunted, and I don't think an original thought has ever crossed his mind in 34 years. Why am I staying. Well because I don't have to pay someone to cut the grass, take the trash out, change the oil, rotate the tires, and he occasionally cooks and runs me to doctor appointments. And I don't want another husband.
So there is my sick disgusting story. My mother stayed in a marriage for 60 years that was pathetic, and fought it like a trooper, I figure if she can do it and died peacefully, by golly, I'll make her proud. It's called turning the tables, he has used me for years, guess its time I do the same. Its called bad karma. No ladies I'm not bitter, just wised up, took stock of the situation, talked to an attorney, and decided to make this thing work for the good for me, I intend to outlast him. *_*
trailsendcabinstore trailsendcabinstore
4 Responses Jan 18, 2013

You have had a rough ride and Mr. No Nogood has been riding you also. The Lord has not brought you this far to leave you. You still have life and you need to enjoy it. Whatever makes you happy for a change. I have a similar situation. My hold up is that I am not financially able to just leave and have a house built from the ground up. Neither do I take any mess nor will I give a dog a bone. You're in your prime, so go on and shine.

Sorry for all of your misfortune, but holy ****, your karma sucks. I'd avoid you just so I wouldn't get any fallout from your horrid luck.

The bottom line is that you have made all of your decisions thus far, and yes, taking him back time and time again was probably pretty ******* retarded.

could you pleasee add me ??

telll you what darlings :) names kenny & lives in richmond,va & if you would like to chat for a while with me :P I will give you my cell # :) i have a pretty nice longg pointed tongue & been told i definitely know how to use it :) lol if you think i;am something that might interest you :P give me a holla >> i;am on yahoo messanger

Empathy either!!