No More Love
I can't believe this forum exists. How nice to be able to share how unhappy and sad I feel. It's so hard to talk about my lack of love for my husband when everyone around me seems to be so happy in their marriage.
Anyway, we've been married for about 12 years and have four children. There are so many things that he has done that has betrayed my trust and respect for him. I'll try to keep it short since I'll need a novel to explain how I've lost the loving feeling for my husband.
It all began within our first year of marriage. I found out that he had no financial sense at all and would gamble to the point of bouncing checks. He wouldn't pay bills, balance his checkbook, put anything in savings, etc... I would threaten to leave and he would get it together for a few months and things would go right back. We've been to a marriage counselor, which he hated and thought was stupid. I've been to a psychologist because I really thought I was going crazy. In 2004, we seperated for a year after I seriously began having suicidal thoughts and the sight of my husband would make me sick to my stomach. Yes, my husband has a way for saying things that make you think you are the crazy one and all our problems were my fault. I can honestly say that during the year of seperation I stopped feeling suicidal and started to feel happy again. Then, stupid me, I let him back into my life. We moved back together and things were good for maybe two years and now it's back to me feeling like I don't love him anymore. I know most of my feelings are because he just isn't the type of man that I want to be with forever. He spends hours and hours online playing games, but can't seem to spend time with his family. He sometimes doesn't even wake up on Christmas morning to watch the kids open gifts...how sad is that?
Is my husband a terrible person? No, he really isn't. I think he just isn't the right man for me. I don't think either of us can make the other happy anymore.