Time For You to Go
How do you keep almost 11yrs brief? I doubt I can but will do my best. We met in Nov 98, I was a single mom with 3 kids working 2ND shift at a local hospital. He was my Mr. Wonderful, my night in shining armour.The kind,supportive, wants to help, fix it all for you, accepts you and your kids kind of guy. July 99 we move in together, maybe a little too soon. Things were still very good between us, he changes shifts to work the same shift as me. Somewhere late 99 early 2000 I find out he smokes weed. Which I am totally against, and also know for someone who had a problem with cocaine 4-5 yrs ago, cannot be doing. He promises me he won't do it again since he knows how strongly I feel. Tells me I mean more to him than smoking weed.
Life continues on, we begin to have arguments. As time goes on the arguments get worse. Looking back now I can see the verbal/emotional abuse that was there. But I couldn't see it then.
November 2000 I became pregnant after he was told he only had a max of 20% of ever fathering a child. I found out in Dec, at a point where my kids and I had moved into a place of our own only days prior. He was ecstatic, I was scared shitless. The pregnancy was a very rough and high risk one. I almost lost our son at 8wks due to a blood pocket between him and the placenta. At 38 weeks we found out something was wrong with his brain, possible hydrocephalus. We were so scared, but held tightly to each other. On July 29,2001 we had a 9lb 3oz baby boy, who was perfect in our eyes. 24 hrs later we learned he has complete agenesis of the corpus callosum.
Sept 01 he was back to his old self. Verbal abuse got worse and most of the time in front of the kids. Nov02 he is out of control, things get physically violent in front of all 4 kids. Police are called, charges were pressed. But of course I eventually I took him back. We had a off and on relationship for the next 2 yrs. By christmas 04 we were totally back together he just was not moved in. Our relationship continues with me being the people pleaser. He still says horrible ,hurtful things to me about me, in front of my kids.
Jan 05 his mom starts losing feeling in her legs, which quickly progresses. I , being a nurse start begging him to take her for a second opinion I was scared it was cancer again. March 3 05 she died from bone cancer which had spread to her lungs,kidneys and liver. He become despondent, and severely depressed(he never knew his dad because his dad walked out when he was a baby). His behavior was very strange and scary at times. Out of control mood swings--Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde. Strange people were showing up at the house. Oct 2005 kids and I move in with him in deceased mother's house. Felt very uncomfortable.About 21/2 weeks later kids and left at 10pm because he was scaring the **** out of me, ranting,screaming making threats to kick us out.
Only saw each other to drop off and pick up our son for visitation. I had another protective order against him. Later found he slept with someone only days after kids and I left. O forgot to say he cheated on me shortly after his mom died, yes I know for a fact he gave me a gift.Around March of 06 starts seeing another what I call nasty. She had no car lived in a nasty trailer, had lost her kids. He drove her to pee in the cup since she was trying to get her kids back--no she didn't cuz she kept having dirty drops. OK so in 06 we have to go to court for child support, visitation,etc. We are court ordered to go to parenting classes, but not scheduled for about 5 months. During the classes we actually start to talk, which we have not done in almost a year. He starts the I miss you so much, I never stopped loving you, the apologies. Of course I fall for it hook line and sinker. After about 8-9 weeks he tells me over the phone he thinks we should get married. I tell him I do not accept that and he needs to do a proper proposal. So about 3 weeks later on christmas eve with kids their he gives me my ring and formally asks me. Yes I cried and everything.
We were to get married Feb 14 but had a blizzard overnight and everything was closed. I made the mistake of asking him if he thought it was a sign. He blew up big time. April 07 he got hurt at work and was totally dependent on me to take care of him. I'm talking showering,toileting everything. We were schedule to get married May 4 and I said we could postpone it. He was absolutely sure he did not want, even though he was on crutches. Got married and things were pretty good, he had some appreciation for me for all I had done. Even though there was no sex for almost 6 months. End of Sept the old hubby comes back--mood swings and all. Nov 07 we finally move out of his mothers house, thank god. Once we settled into our new place things were VERY good he was loving, spent time with me everyday, was playful. Like we really were newlyweds, even in the bedroom.
I took him out for his b-day Jan 24 08. That nite we got into a fight because he didn't like something I said. It ended with him biting me so bad I had a 4 in diameter bruise for 2 weeks. The moods swings came back full force, all the verbal abuse. He started making physical threats,acting like he was going to hit me the laughed when I would flinch. Feb it all came to a head, police were called. They did nothing to him kept trying to force me to leave, which in end I did. Ended up per protective order he was removed from house. I filed for divorce in April. Had not talked to him,not saying he didn't try. Coincidentally 2 weeks after he was police escorted out of home. Someone tried to break in.......Divorce is going along, he thinks he is going to get all the furniture,washer,dryer,stove and frig!! In June I let our son send him a fathers day gift and school picture. Which prompts him to start calling. I would not talk to him just put our son on phone. While I was on vacation with our son he started telling our son he wanted to talk to me. I still would not talk to him so always had an excuse. Aug our son started football for the 1st time. Hubby used to coach with the league, so he started to come to practice. I would ignore him, he would start sitting closer and closer. When he noticed this one dad flirting with me, all of a sudden he was introducing me as his wife to people!! We did start talking, then more talking for hours. Then he kissed me I didn't realize I still had buried feelings for him. He wanted to come home and started to beg. I would not let him. I let him stop by after work no more than 3 days a week. Then he could stay for supper. Then by about almost 3 months he could come by on the weekends--there was NO sleeping over or sex. Before christmas, all 4 kids were gone and he took me on a date and I gave in and we had sex--thank god I made him use a condom--but he could not stay the nite. I sent him back to his little apt at 1am! By Jan I gave in and we decided end of month he would totally move in since his lease would be up Feb5. End of Feb I find out he is facing federal embezzlement charges! I did not know anything about this, it was just kind of dropped in my lap. Then I found out the worst of it. He had stolen the money in 05-06, so we were together part of the time. He was using it to feed his coke habit. I do not know how long he had been using. I know for sure he cheated more times than I knew about. He is court ordered to go to a outpatient dependency program, NA meeting twice a week, random drug tests, 3 yrs probation and restitution. When I found out it was a major deal breaker for me, when I had the whole story, which he did not tell me I threw up. When I found out he had to get help,get clean and stay clean, I thought well maybe there is hope. He is finally getting the counseling he has needed for years. I tried to stay open minded, but my feelings and never been the same since he came home. I did not trust him, and he had to prove it. So March goes by he is doing what he supposed to, behavior is pretty good. April still doing what he is supposed to, having mood swings.May he gets sentenced to what he thought, but still a relief. Behavior changes even more, more mood swings and I am tired of being the peace keeper, running interference so there isn't a blow up. I am sick and tired of it and don't need this bullshit anymore. I want him gone now. He keeps saying he is leaving but never does. I finally tell him to just leave you want to so damn bad, doors open get the hell out. He tells me he isn't leaving "his" hose unless the police drag him out. I finally tell that can be arranged. By this point I know he will **** up soon, and decide my best course is to sit back and wait and have the police haul his *** out. He of course is completely verbally/emotional abusive to me and the boys, he leaves my18yr daughter alone. My chance came on June 25 and I took it, went on the 26 got protective order and had him removed from the house. There was such a huge sense of relief to walk into the house and he is not here. Kids act differently also.
I have learned things about my husband since Feb,not from him,that makes me hate him. I cannot tolerate being lied to. If you love a person you do not lie to them. If you love a person you do not hurt them in anyway, verbally,emotionally, physically. That includes name calling,belittling them--as these are forms of verbal abuse. I have already been looking into getting my divorce reopened. I have taken way too long to learn my lesson, and a very hard lesson to learn. But I DO NOT love him and really have not since I found out all the crap. Me and my kids are worth sooooooo much more.
So there is my almost 11yrs. If you have made it to this point I thank you for reading it.