Mean, Hateful Woman.

My mother used to beat me when I was a child. In retrospect, I think she did this because she was jealous of my relationship with my father. This was not my fault, as I was a child.
Some of my earliest memories of my mother were of her threatening me with humiliation. I wet the bed as a child and she used to love to threaten to tell my friends if I didn't do ______. She enjoyed abusing me emotionally and physically, I remember the happy look in her eye whenever I would do something wrong, the opportunity to hurt me further. I remember when I was 5 and had chicken pox, how she had come home from work and raved about a beautiful little girl she had seen in McDonald's on her lunch break, and how her skin was clear and she wasn't ugly and covered in scabs as I was. My mother's favorite method of communication was, and still is, yelling. 
If my mother died today I wouldn't care. I think of times when my brother threatened to set fire to my mother's house with her in it and then urinated on her car. Even after this, he is welcomed into her home with "It's so good to see you, I'm glad you could make it." My brother doesn't live in another state or country, and is not military, no. He is an unemployed drug addict and lives10 minutes away from her.
So, my mother doesn't love me either, and at this point in time, I'm alright with that. When she is unable to care for herself for whatever reason, I won't be there to try to assist, I will liken it to the disability and eventual death of a distant relative that I don't know. This woman has not done a thing for me in my life other than give me life and hurt me for her decision to do so. I will be glad when she expires, it will be as if a black cloud suddenly dissipates and the sun shines through. My only regret in this situation is that I have let her hold me as an emotional hostage for 30 years. There is so much more I'd like to add to this but I don't feel like dredging up her disgusting impression on my life right now.
Eskahpay Eskahpay
31-35, F
1 Response May 8, 2012

I am sorry that you have gone through this. Thank you for taking the time out and write about your pain. It is never easy.