I've Been Avoiding My Boyfriend the Past Couple Days

...because I don't know what to do. I love him with all of me. There are so many conceptions as to what love is, but the way I love my boyfriend is perhaps the closest I feel to what I think love is. He has done things for me, like stood by my side for years and been patient with me as I have with him. He traveled halfway across the world just to meet me and make me happy. Last time we talked he told me he cares about me a lot. We've been each other's longest-term relationship so far, too (well, he's my first one, but he's had girlfriends before, never for this long though).

Yet he hurt me with some things he said. Now, that has happened before. I know how to wait. I trust that the thing which is hurting me will be fine.

The problem is one thing he said last time, but also on other occasions. He said that I use guilt trips on him and that he hates that - and note that he rarely uses such big words. Now, I don't know about this - maybe I am. I try to be fair. I try to be sweet and he acknowledges it. I try and succeed in making him feel loved, special, good. But when he's cold and treats me like I'm just another part of his day and when I talk about things that hurt me and he seems not to care much or understand... it happens less and less often, but I just don't know what to say. Like the other day, something he had done that had really hurt me led me to a state in which I even skipped school (though I love it) and stayed in bed all day sleeping and crying; the conversation led to it, I think, and I mentioned it to him, but what was I supposed to say? Tell him what a wonderful day I'd been having? I try to put it nicely and be assertive, but it's hard sometimes, if I'm really hurt and feel unloved.

the worst part is I believe I may be hurting his feelings that way.

I mean, he's an odd man. Perhaps because we're all odd when you really get to know someone, anyone. But what if he really cares about me more than about most other people in his life? What if he doesn't say he loves me because he's not over his failed hasteful marriage plans with his ex-girlfriend, and I misinterpret that and hurry him? I know he doesn't pay much attention to his emotions and his verbalization of them is poor unless he's pushed to try to see beyond the obvious - so what if he really, really loves me and I hurt him with my insecurity?

I don't want to hurt him.

I promised him I'd be with him for as long as he needs me and I meant it. I'm not a child anymore, I know what such a promise entails and I'm aware it won't always be sweet and carefree to keep it. But I want to try, I have to try - I promised. But is he or would he feel better off without me? He has no one else... well, no other woman, at least. We're lovers. But am I some abusive person?

I don't know what to do with him. I love him. I don't want hm to hurt, much less do I want to hurt him.

It's hard to put these noble feelings into practice when we chat and the things he says and doesn't say and the things he doesn't do make me feel like the only person who ever took a real interest in me hasn't seen anything lovable there, either.

Soon I'll need to talk to him again though... man.... what do I do?

naranja naranja
26-30, F
5 Responses Feb 28, 2009

The same thing happened to me and he even proposed. Many times. I am hurt and don't know what to do. All the best to you.

Is love really beautiful? At times i feel i should have just remain single and never never fall for anyone...I prefer to talk and solve things but my bf prefers to remain silent or pretend to be normal..i hate that..i am trying to be silent as well now..i cant do it..i even switched off my hp to be silent ..i tend to call him and his voice and everything he says just annoys me . I tend to call him with an expectation , i realize i break because of that. Now i decided to remain silent..but that is not me at all..it is very difficult but i am finding something from the silent..I sound so crazy but i am so helplessly in pain..

I'm sorry to hear that! Hope your boyfriend and you will reach some common ground in what concerns communication.

Uhh... thanks for reading, but no one is the same as the next person. You can't generalize something like that just because of one person (though I knew some do that unconsciously anyway, I know I do). But liking someone because he talks nicely when you first meet is one thing and being with someone for over a year and after more years of friendship is very different. I'm sorry you've been hurt though... but yes, taking it as a learning experience can be a positive turn-out.

MEN ARE ALL THE SAME I WAS ONCE LOVED BY SOME BT HE NEVER TOOK THE CHANCE TO KNOW ME HE JUST LEFT ME WITH A BREAKEN LOVE BT TO ME IT WAS JST A LEARNING CURVE BKS WHEN I FIRST MET HIM HE TALKED SO NICE AND I FELT IN LOVE WITH HIM.

That Same Thing is happening to me, only I'm avoiding him because he clings to me too much and I May Like A Diffrent Guy But I Feel Stuck Because He's been so good to me always tells me he loves me. But I don't want to hurt him.