Some Days I Just Want To.... Grrrrr

There are some days where things remind me of him.
I think about how sweet he was..... and I miss him
Most days days though, I get so mad thinking about how much of an arse he was (and still is) and how stupid I am for even thinking of rekindling anything. He's so inconsiderate it hurts me daily!! He was heartless in a way and selfish at times that it felt like a one way relationship; only interested in his other connections, his friends and nothing else mattered to him until he was alone at night. That would be the only time I felt like I got his attention.

Ofcourse we had some good times, in fact we had alot of great times. It wasnt until the nearing end of the relationship that I actually felt the lying, deceiting, use and abuse radiating from him so freely. It hurt. Im so used to the way he hurts me now that sometimes I think I like it for sticking around being his friend. He makes me boiling mad and I hate how irrational I am with him.

Although it was 2years of bliss and 6months of hell, those last 6 months were so bad that it was enough to neutalise anything we ever had. Now I feel like Im stuck in purgatory. Cant go back but cant really move forward either. Could it be possible to hate and love him? To miss him but not actually miss him? I just want to knock some sense into him....sometimes I wish we could just get back together if only to hurt him the way he has me.
I know it doesnt sound very nice but all I can say is....
Behind every *****, theres a man that made her that way.

lusciouskiwi lusciouskiwi
22-25, F
Aug 10, 2010