Almost Ambiguity

My first love and I dated for 3 1/2 yrs. We dated for 2 3/4 a year straight, when I decided to end it because of past times that he hurt me, which were still haunting me, and I had the prospect to date someone attractive and kind at that time. 1 year later I decided to end it with the new b/f and go back with my first love. Then for a while I was confused about what I felt about either of them (I felt love for them both). So, I went back and forth between the two guys for a couple of months. Eventually my first love won out in the end, due to the age difference between the other guy and myself (I am 1 1/2 yrs older than he is). Well, my first love resorted to his old ways : he loved me, he loved me not. He repeatedly dumped me and we got back together, so I decided to end what was obviously a toxic relationship. I stayed single for almost one year to find myself, and, I wasn't over my first love (ironically, considering that I was the one who ended it). At the end of this year, him and I got to talking again (via phone and e-mail because he had moved 4 hours away). I started to get feelings for him again, and he confessed to me that he still had feelings for me, too. So, I moved to where he was (and lived with him) so that we can be together. What a mistake! Exes are exes for a reason and I should've known better, but my vulnerability took over. Well, 3 months later I was rooming with someone else, as he decided that he was moving 6 hours south of where we were to live close to his brother and nephew (and he didn't want me to come with him).


After all of this, I decided to make some changes. I went back to school, got a new job and met new people. I made tons of friends, and met the love of my life! We are now engaged (common-law) and have a beautiful 8 month old baby girl.


Looking back....


I never thought that I could love again. I was so hurt by him. The saying goes " There's always someone out there for everyone". This is so true. If it wasn't for the end of us back then, I wouldn't have what I have now : A married life to a wonderful hubby and father, and a beautiful daughter.


I hardly talk to my first love anymore. I used to make the effort to send the occasional email to exchange lifes times with each other, but I noticed over time that he never took the initiative to contact me like I had him. Thus, the reason I hardly talk to him anymore. Now, I don't even have the desire to know how his life is going. Apparently I have the last laugh in all my anger anyway : the last time I heard, he is now living with a girl that is covered in tattoos from head to toe (I believe this is true because he once sent me a pick of her), she has an 8 yr old daughter (he's only 23, she's 27), he has been kicked out of college, and he puts together bikes at Canadian Tire for a living.  Now.....there's a real winner!! Lmao... I'm glad that I'm not with him now.~

missunderstood missunderstood
22-25, F
Oct 27, 2006