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I've been a virgin for almost 20 years now...and I'm not dead am I?  I'm not sick am I?  Sex obviously isn't necessary for survival, or else I would be dead!

Sure, I like to think that I'll have sex sometime in my life.  But it's not a priority.  I'm sure it would be nice, pleasureable, and fun...but my life isn't based on pleasure and fun.

RopinTexan RopinTexan 22-25, M 84 Responses Sep 21, 2008

Your Response



Short version - OMG! I do.... I'm 64 and you would think I had "moved beyond." But what I do think that my jumping into one bed after another has kept me from having a meaningful relationship of man and a woman. It's quite sad. I think trying to wait FIRST for that "meaningful relationship" first, before the sex is a good idea to try to implement... Best wishes.

Ah. I see.

I think he means that you are not scared to say what you think, even if it means you are likely to be in conflict with others opinions and you can take a good "punch" in conflicting comments.

What do you mean by that?

My point was that I don't see any "kindness" in giving up your virginity.

I think you are wise to wait Ropin because I believe that sex, in some cases, can cloud judgement. It definitely did in my past relationships. You have sex and you find that sexually you are "compatible" It is physically pleasing and you trick yourself into believing that the relationship is working because the sex is good. It's better to find common ground with a person, enjoy their company and build the foundations of a loving relationship and then add love making as the cement, you will have a good strong marriage that way.

"why did you do it in the first place?"<br />
i was stupid, i fell in love with a "boy" i was 14... we gave r "v"s to one another. i still love and want to be with him. but i wish i never did b/c now i'm a woman in love with a boy.

I guess some people have sex because of self esteem issues. But my reasons were entirely different. I've always had a healthy self image and self esteem. So no...The reasons I had sex were because I wanted to, I cared about the individual. End of story. It had nothing to do with a lack of self respect. <br />
For some reason all these conversations come down to the idea of some that if you have premarital sex, either you're cheap and "whorish" or you lack self respect, or you have no morals or self control.<br />
Too bad, it could almost have been a good discussion.<br />
And this whole concept of giving yourself to another is just plain gobble-d-gook. Sex is SHARED. It's mutual. <br />
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Oh and one last thing. Breaks up are not as common as divorce? UH statistically speaking the divorce rate is exceeding 50%. So if you mean there are more break ups of short term relationships then yeah... conting highschool and up. but if you're talking about long term (years) relationships, then nope...just about even with marriages.<br />
(of course that is now going to said it is caused by premarital sex) :(

I am a Christian but I've also had premarital sex. My reasons for doing that were not right. I had quite low self esteem and I believed that I would never have a relationship unless I slept with the man, it never occurred to me that if the man loved me then he would wait and if he was not prepared to wait then he wasn't worth it. It was certainly a mistake because not only did it diminish my self worth still further but I didn't enjoy the sex because there was no proper connection there.<br />
I believe that real love thrives when you put aside your ego and selfish ways and "give" to your partner. I love my husband so much that I now wish that I had saved my virginity for marriage because there can be no greater gift to give than yourself.

Haha, that's kind of funny, but I guess you're sorta right...

'I said "I would think" and "I suppose," not "I'm right and you're wrong."'<br />
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well i suppose you're an idiot.....not really, but i didnt say i was right and you were wrong either, yet this statement is still offensive. know what i mean??

RT, WMYTIN just gave you a perfect example of saying things in a way that invite animosity rather than defusing a situation. I don't blame you since your opinions are both strongly held and somewhat unpopular, but sometimes it's better to withdraw than let other's make you angry, because people tend to make irreversible mistakes when angry.

WMYTIN, I said that because she was offended, so I was explaining myself. I said "I would think" and "I suppose," not "I'm right and you're wrong."

well RT, i dont exactly know what to say to that other than, you'll just have to have sex and figure this all out on your own. <BR><BR>yes, the less you need the easier life is to fulfill. but i look at that concept in terms of material posessions. the less you need, the less you have to work, the more time you have to spend living your is one of those great luxuries that is FREE (unless you choose to pay for it). everyone (whos not a virgin) needs sex from time to time, but needing sex doesnt change your life unless you allow it to. and that depends on how strong you are emotionally. when i need sex, and believe you me, sometimes i need it!!, but i dont let my yearning for it cloud my rational judgement or control my life.....the need for sex is determined on a personal level.

Then please listen to WHAT I say. I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. How I say it is usually just based on what kind of mood I'm in.

Because to compare one's strongly held religious beliefs, which have made believers feel free and purposeful, offering happiness and security to a restricting yoke worn only by beasts of burden so that they may be more easily controlled is a pretty poor way of explaining your opinion of religion. Just as calling that woman desparate or lacking in self respect was a poor way to voice one's opinion of those who engage in premarital sex. It's not so much what you say, as how we say things that divides a hostile arguement and a respectful discussion.

"i commend you on your choice to wait, and i hope your first time is enjoyable enough that you will understand the idea of 'needing' sex :)"<br />
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I wasn't offended by anything you said, but honestly, I don't WANT to NEED sex. In fact, I don't want to need anything. Why should one desire to need something? The less I actually need, the easier my life is to fulfill. If I start needing sex, I'll have a hole in my life I need to fill. Why stab a hole in something that is already solid just so that I can refill it? If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

Antiyou is right though. Sex is one thing you have to experience to fully understand. You don't have to do it now, but it's pretty clear you ought to put this discussion on hold until you've done it.

My "yoke" comment was not meant to be offensive. I was trying to lend a little imagery to the fact I find the laws set out by organized religion to be a little rigid and constrictive. It's just not the way I choose to live my life. Why must you interpret it as an attack?<br />
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I'm not sure how many times I have to say this, but: I have absolutely NO problem with others choosing a Christian path. I have many friends and family members that have done so, and they could never claim that I've ever disrespected their beliefs.<br />
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The issue that I have with the statements that have been made is that they are judgmental of non-Christian beliefs systems. To say that a woman who engages in premarital sex must be "desperate" or "lacking in self-respect" is condescending and unfair.

well ropin texan, i hope my comment wasnt offensive. my only point is, you cant make a valid statement or arguement when it comes to sex because you are a virgin. you dont truly understand the concept or purpose yet...and someday you will. <BR><BR>and some people actually do need sex. those choosing to have a baby need sex. there are people with sex addictions that need sex (and therapy to treat thier addiction). and in all honesty, i didnt 'need' sex when i was a virgin. i thought about it, and wanted it. but now that i've experience it, i need it! and that is a concept that one can only grasp after they have done the deed.<BR><BR>i commend you on your choice to wait, and i hope your first time is enjoyable enough that you will understand the idea of 'needing' sex :)

*sighs heavily*

I'm a Christian. I didn't particularly like that comment...but I'm beginning to get quite used to the Christian-bashing. I'd rather it not happen, but oh well.

I'm not even a christian and I find the comment about having a "spiritual yoke" around one's neck offensive. It's funny that you can attack jesus' teachings and use them to your advantage all in one thread. I was merely commenting on the fact that there are quite a few who bear some animosity towards christians, thinking they are foolish for believing and following the teachings of their god. Christians believe that a major amount of the good in their life came directly as blessings from god. Can you blame them for sometimes not understanding how someone could refuse the thing that has these christians so much happiness?

Look, this story isn't intended to judge others...I just said I don't need it. Nobody really needs it...but many people want it. I want it if I get married. But I won't die if I don't get it.<br />
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There. End of story.

why does it matter whether or not others 'need' sex?? if you're not ready, thats fine, but dont begin to assume others werent ready either just because you cant grasp the concept of why sex is what it is. <br />
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i respect those who choose to wait, but i personally wanted to have more experience. when i meet the right guy, i'll already know all the good moves and fun things to do in bed. that doesnt make me a ****. infact, to me, it makes your sex life (with the right person) more enjoyable from the get go.

I was NOT bashing Christians. I have nothing against people of faith - only people of faith who try to place themselves on moral pedestals.<br />
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If a person is a Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Wiccan, or Jew - I couldn't care less. To each his/her own. I only take issue with those who view their ethics as superior.<br />
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As my earlier comments have shown, I have no problems with RT's decision to abstain. If it's what is best for him mentally, emotionally and spiritually, that's great. However, I think it is a little less than "Christ-like" to make assumptions about another person's sexual agendas.<br />
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[[hands you a stone]]<br />
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Here you go: cast it.

Pre-marital sex is a personal choice. Period. Its also a private matter. I wouldn't judge someone because he or she has had sex before marriage anymore than I would someone who chooses to wait. <br><br />
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Having your personal beliefs is long as you don't start labeling people simply because they don't agree with your views. Having pre-marital sex doesn't make a person morally loose...again, its a personal choice. What occurs or does not occur "behind closed doors" isn't fodder for judgment. Or at least, it shouldn't be.

It's not okay to make a comment on the "willingness" of a woman, but it's okay to trash someones deeply held spiritual beliefs??<br />
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Why is christian bashing becoming so common and acceptable? Especially on EP??

Define "good reason". I have sex because it's pleasurable, because it allows me to experience a level of intimacy with my partner that can't be obtained any other way. Because I don't have a biblical yoke around my neck.<br />
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What is there not to understand? Not every person out there adheres to the moral standards you set, nor should they have to.<br />
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I suggest that you wade your way out of that sea of naivete before you drown.