Church Emergency

 So, I was in Mexico. My friend Mariana had dragged us half-way across the country in her mom's SUV to Zumpango so that she could see her ex-boyfriend Hugo. He was a really nice guy and showed us around the city square.

Mariana pointed out a little snack stand and suggested that we get something to eat. My stomach was feeling kinda not so happy (I tried really hard to avoid drinking the tap water, but somehow I still ended up "sick" pretty much every day). I said, no thanks. I'm not hungry, I really couldn't eat anything right now.

"Noooo!" Mariana laughed, looking at me like I was quite insane. "This is not food!"

Okay, fine. I conceded.

We each bought a corn-on-the-cob-on-a-stick-with-chili-powder-and-mayonnaise-on-top and sat around the stone center park thingy chatting and having a grand time. We stayed around until it started to get dark. But, suddenly (as per usual during that week), I felt an urge to go. Uh -oh. Panic creeping into my voice a little, I ask Hugo "is there is a public bathroom anywhere?" He gestures toward an old church we'd passed that was a few blocks away. 

I make one of my friends go with me, and we hurry over to the church. As we approach the church, out of the darkness comes this old man with his hand out. I'm pretty sure I hear some word sounding like "cigarette" so I assume he wants a light or something. I say in spanish "i don't have it sorry." and continue quickly up the walk towards the restroom. we finally reach the door marked banos, and to my horror see that there is a wrought iron gate closed over the door.


i knock on the door and rattle the gate loudly, hoping someone inside will hear me and open up. i'm freaking out now, i don't know what i'll do. i'm not gonna make it to another public bathroom, and i'm not even sure there is another one within walking distance.


my friend is laughing while i twirl around and squeal about what to do.. 

and oh my god. i was going to have to go into a hidden corner and jsut do it there...

oh      my    god

my friend is laughing hysterically at this point and point out a tall metal barrel. "you could go in there"

i seriously consider it for what seems like an eternity but what is probably just a few seconds

the old man comes strolling up the path with a quizzical look on his face, probably wondering what all the noise is about. then i notice--- there are keys in his hand.

duh! he is in charge of the bathrooms and wanted a few pesos. well i feel stupid but thank god!! i give him the money and he unlocks the door. i think at the last second to ask for some toilet paper.



i think we all know that i learned some very valuable lessons from this story, if it is a little bit TMI

the end.

NaomiZero NaomiZero
26-30, F
9 Responses Apr 24, 2009

Why thank you ... Manuel! Jeff Dunham and Walter .... and the restroom attendant ....<br /><x>lbbM

Enjoyed it!

oh, i think i misread that "picket fence" and was picturing a chain link fence! as long as there is even the slightest hint of privacy, i suppose i could manage. <br />
but i was imagining you and your friends peeing on the side of a road and completely exposed to the traffic going by haha!<br />
<br />
as for unisex bathrooms- i could handle that :)

It is the custom in France. They don't have men and women restrooms. They just have rest rooms . You might be in one stall and a guy taking a loud and smelly dump in the one next to you. How is that for a visual.

oh my, that is something i could do only after many beers

I was going to LeMans France for the 24 hour race at LeMans. There was a long line waiting to get into the parking area. My friends and I had been drinking beer for quite a while and needed to go. I looked up ahead and there were 3 urinals attached to the outside wall of a building with a 18 in. high picket fence around it. Everyone except the driver jumped out of the vehicle and ran forward to the rest pee spot. (can't call it a room). We peed as people were walking around us and were done by the time the driver got up to us. No keys were necessary.

yeah. there were some places where i didn't have to pay and some places i did. usually only when they provide the toilet paper for you haha

You had to PAY to go to the bathroom???

well, my laughing friend got a taste of his own when almost the exact same thing happened to him in china with a buddhist temple. what is it about churches always having the only public restroom??