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Swept Under The Rug: The Confessions Of A Loner.

 I've pretty much been a lone wolf all of my life. Even when I had friends to hang out with I still preferred to be alone. Now that I'm older my outlook on life has changed and I'm starting to realize how much of a freaking hermit I really am. 

What's worse is that I don't drive and I live with my parents, which pretty much isolates me from social events. I'm in college right now so I don't have a lot of time to socialize, but I still want to have that part of college that seems so crucial to a lot of people. 

I just want the college experience and to have fun every once and a while, but with virtually not friends to hang out with, it's impossible. Because of my current predicament I don't get out much at all and when I do it's so exhilarating. 

My question is this, how do I make friends? I know there are many ways and self help books for this sort of thing, but none of them have helped me at all. When I try to talk to people it's like I don't exist sometimes or that I feel like I'm infringing on their time. I've been in a situation where I say something and then someone ignores me, which ****** me off!

Why do people do that? It's so rude! It gives one the impression that you don't care what that person has to say and that you don't have any respect for them either. I've tried to be more assertive, but it's hard when you're not used to being so. 

All the friends that I've gotten close to have betrayed me in someway, which doesn't look good on my track record. I've tried to be a good friend, a good listener and have helped them numerous times in the past when either of them had a problem. Regardless of this, they still used me and then discarded me like yesterday's news. 

I for one am sick and tired of being treated like this! I'm not as shy as I used to be, but I'm still not to the point where I'm confident with my social skills.  How about you? Do you feel the same way? Am I the only one who's constantly being swept under the rug?

agathashelly agathashelly 26-30, F 7 Responses Sep 25, 2012

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No your not alone! I have this happen a lot! I think I intimidate people unintentionally ! I have a great work ethic but find it difficult to work in a group of to many women! It's like women are in a forest and it's survival of the fittest! Lots of aggression comes about along with stress! I love to work and I am a hard worker, because I know what I do is a reflection of myself! Needless to say I'm introverted and extroverted ! I say be who you are that's good enough. If you can count the number of friends you have on one hand your doing great ! More than that you will be bogged down with other peoples problems! People who ignore you are not worth the air you breath! Be happy with who you are don't change for the liking of others. Being alone means your ok being alone or that your happy with being who you are. People who can't stand being alone really have issues, they can't stand to be by theirselves! You have to do what makes you happy don't allow anyone to distort who you are. What is with the A after your sentences? Being successful is easier when your comfortable in your own skin!

It was the same way for me college, and no afterwards, even though I have my apartment and car and a good job, I still end up holed up in my room because there's one who'll go out with me. It sucks. It's like I've lost the ability to make friends. And don't get me started on the people ignoring you thing. I HATE THAT! It's like a punch to my gut every time it happens. Makes me avoid interaction and speaking up in the first place which sucks even more.

I try to interact with people, but it\'s just acquaintances right now. I feel like that I am still being treated like a child, but I am NOT a child anymore. I am entitled to the same amount of respect as anyone else. When I\'ve spoken out about my feelings to my family, I am told to just grit my teeth and bare it. I am told that feeling like a second class citizen within your own family doesn\'t matter. So, I have to deal with people\'s **** because they don\'t want to take the time to consider what they are doing and maybe change their bad additude. Ugh, it just sucks.

It\'s the same with friends. There aloud to behave however they want, but not me, no. I have to be perfect! Ugh, it\'s so freaking frustrating!

I can relate to you alot. My panic attacks and everyday generalised anxiety makes me a loner staying to myself and those self help books, programs dont help me alot either. When I do have a good day and try to talk to people I get ignored or get A go to hell look form them. When I make friends, it is only because I have something to offer them. they use me and come around only when I can do something for them. And then just ditch me. I do drive only because I live alone and have no one to take me places. I really hope something works out for you because I dont want anyone to have to live like this, it is hell on earth.

Thank you :) I am getting there slowly, but I am getting to a place that's better than where I'm at right now.

Btw, if you ever want to chat, message me or add me as a friend :)

no it happens to me also

Ok it happens to me also too.

Really, how do you deal with it all?

I do only what i can do, i stay home and EP. Actually i do have kind of associate friends at an art group i attend.

That's cool. The only kind of socialization outside of EP is college. I'm on break right now though, but I tried to socialize with people during the term .

i have just learned to accept it for what it was and continue to make the most out of life by doing things i enjoy doing

I'm the same way now. I do things I enjoy and whatever happens, happens.

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It happens to me too.

I feel the same way, but I have started to get a little more confident with myself. I have been a loner for most of my life and so want out of it. I am sick of being by myself and seeing others getting married or be in relationships. I can't drive either and that always seems to be one thing I am not accepted by people/society. The main reason for being taboo in society is that I have epilepsy. People also don't believe me when I tell them everything about me and all I have been through; so that is the reason I have stopped telling people things feeling it's a waste of time. In spite of having been through college and having an education, things still seem to feel pointless.

You've endured a lot and I believe that you have epilepsy. I really can't see why people wouldn't believe you either, but that's just me. I'm still trying to figure things out and am going through college at the moment. Even though there are many things about me that are taboo, I'm flourishing for the first time in my life. I'm doing things that I never thought that I was able to do, like math and I'm even taking a speech class. I'm hopefully going to get my drivers license this summer and help fix up my dads old car. Overall, things may be moving slow for me, but at least they are moving.

If I could afford college right now, I think math would be the major I'd go for. Best of luck with everything you have going on (thanks for believing me).

Your welcome. I wish I was as confident about my skills in math as you are. Thanks, I really appreciate your support.

No problem

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OMG... hon, exact same situation with me!!!!!! Ditto!

We should be friends. I'm glad that someone understands what It's like for me.

I'm sorry that I mentioned that we should be EP friends b/c we already are. I sometimes forget who's on my friends list because there are so many people on there. I hope I didn't insult you or anything.

Bah! I only saw the comment now lol. No not at all! Yes of course we already are. It's sad because we only get one life. One chance to go through our teenage years, one chance to go through college etc. And I grew up with none of those social experiences in high school and college that most other "normal" people do. In university I just went to class, and came back to my apartment each day. Tried my best to 'click' with others around me, but I had absolutely nothing in common with anyone. Everyone was part of their own friendship circles, or else stayed aloof and kept to themselves and didn't want to converse. Now I am out of uni, and into the real world and having to work hard. While that isn't a bad thing, the social situation hasn't changed. I just work with a few colleagues who are much older than me, so no way I could be actual friends with them and nor are they interested. I just feel that all I ever did was work, work and work all my life and still am having to now, with absolutely zero fun or socialization. All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl!

I think I know why you wanted to be alone even when you had friends. I think I can relate to that part too. It's when you're not on similar wavelengths with those friends... like when they have different tastes, ideals, love to do activities that you don't enjoy, love to talk about things that you don't like, have different philosophies etc. You then feel more alone and conscious, and soon those friendships fade anyway.

I'm glad you understand because I just feel so alone. The only other non family person who understands is my boyfriend. He works a lot so are time together is limited. I too am the same way, all work and no play, I just don't have time for it. I want to have fun though, to go to some parties, go and have coffee with friends, but I never seem to click with anyone.

My mum says it's because I come from a more formal British household and she says Americans are more brash. I will admit that I'm more standoffish and reserved, but I'm not totally unsociable. All the friends that I still talk to are either married and or they are married and have kids. It's so depressing because I'm still living with my parents. I'm so ashamed about that aspect of my life that I barely talk to them because of it.

All my friends from my child hood treated me like crap and I took it because I knew that I'd never find any other friends. I'm now beginning to realize just how much their bullying is affecting how I socially interact with people today. I'm better than I used to be and am even taking an oral communications class, which is something that I thought I would never be able to do.

Overall, I'm working each day to overcome my social anxiety problems and I feel like I'm actually getting better.

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