My Story

Well this is the first time ever really talking about this online but here's my story... my story starts off before I was born, my biological father left my mother when she found out she was pregnant with me, so when I was first born she was a single mom, in the world by herself and with a new baby girl. She met my dad when I was about 6 months old and he never left. Two years after they met, they married and had my younger sister. We were all living happily together with all of our relatives close by and we were all very happy people. My dads work transferred him and we moved across the country also, to pursue a new lifestyle because my dad felt our family back home was not a good influence for me and my younger sister. We started out new life living in one apartment for many years, Luckily we got to our new area in time for me to start kindergarten just a little to late, so I had to stay back. I never knew about my biological father until I was 8 and felt I wasn't the same as the rest of my family, my mom told me and gave me the one photo she had of my father, I still have it to this day. Right around the time I was 12 or 13 my dad and Mom began to fight and my mom developed a drinking problem, that was very obvious to me and the rest of our family, she became angry, abusive towards my dad and sometimes self harming. They shortly after got divorced and began to move out my dads belongings out of our little apartment to live separatly. My dad was very hurt by all of this and one night when my sister and I were at our grandmother's (she moved out from our home place only a couple years after we left to be close to our little family in this new area) my Dad went back to our old apartment where me and my sister and moms stuff was still there because we were all still living there, she had a date over that night and my dad beat him up and got put in jail for the night for assault. After that I knew I couldn’t sit by anymore, I then began to blame my mom for ruining everything we had as a family, and lived with my dad in a basement he was renting out of someones home. I knew it wouldn’t be nice to live there but I wanted to, to just be there for my dad when he needed someone the most. We ended up moving into the full apartment upstairs of the same house he was living in the basement of and I moved up there with him. Life seemed normal again, calm. But my mom was still drinking and doing drugs. she then met a man who also did drugs and they moved into an apartment together with my sister only down the road from the apartment my dad and I were staying in. Shortly after my mom began to get physically abused by her new boyfriend and reached out to my dad and I for help, we of course helped her but she went back to her abusive boyfriend time and time again, calling the police occasionally and then bailing him out of jail with money my dad would provide. That was when we knew our help wasn’t going to make a difference for her. My sister began to show signs of cutting and being depressed, she was also smoking pot and was only 12 I was so upset that I showed my dad and we had a meeting with my sister and my mom, it did nothing. I tried to help my sister and tried to live with my mom but I couldn’t her careless lifestyle made me sick. My dad met a new lady whose age closer to his than my moms, and him and I moved into her amazing condo with her and her two kids, they were all beautiful people with wonderful personalities and open arms, I was skeptical of this family but my dad seemed happy so I was too, then his girlfriend began to show the same signs of the bad drinking habits my mom had. So I quickly pushed her and her kids away. But, my dad loved them. They bought a house and we all moved into it, since it was big enough for a large family. I shortly before moving into the house was drinking and smoking, driving with out a license, getting in trouble with the cops and hanging out with the wrong people, I moved out to live with my friend but that only last a couple of months because me and my friend began to argue and got annoyed with each other a lot, it was hard to leave because her mom, and 3 younger sisters looked up to me, as a strong women that they needed, I loved that, so leaving was very hard. I moved back home and I could tell that I had ben forgotten a little, my dad girlfriends daughter whose 1 year older than me moved back in, and into my old room, so I made a room in our family basement, where there was a room made for an office. I felt unwanted in the house, so I was not home a lot, always with friends and still drinking and smoking regularly. I wasn't my dads first priority anymore and it hurt. I and his girlfriend developed a rocky relationship and I started to feel even more unloved. Just recently my mom lost her new apartment she moved into, she moved around a lot, and was homeless with no family to lean on, so my sister who hadn't lived with me and my dad since the breakup, she finally came to live with us. My dad loves her so much, and you can see she one of his first priorities, but I felt I wasn't still. I met a guy through one of my best friends and fell in love we are currently still dating and he is the only real reason I feel loved in this world. I constantly think about my real father, and my family back home. I wonder if my biological father ever thinks of me, my mother told me she found him on Facebook so I went and looked at his profile and he has daughters and sons and a big family and they all look very happy together, I just wonder a lot of the time if my existence on this world is anything special because I’ve never met my father, and my mom hasn't been a huge part of my life since the divorce and I feel that no one thinks of me in there life as important.
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Jan 19, 2013