I Dont Like My Daughter


It hurts my heart to say that I don’t like the eldest of my children.  The more I give her the less she likes and respects me.  We have never been close but that does not mean I would not do anything for her.  She got pregnant at 17 and was very immature she was good in school but not street smart. We did not even know she had a boyfriend she was hiding him from us because he was a drug dealer.  He gave up his parental rights my husband and I adopted the baby. We have been co-parenting with my daughter.  He calls her Mommy my husband Dad and me Mom.  I never intended to take the baby from my daughter just provide protection.  We told her she would always be the Mommy which she wants to be only when friends and family are around other then that she does not want to do a thing for him.  She works two jobs and goes to school sounds responsible but her two jobs are for her clothes and personal expenses, she does not provide a single dollar for the babies care, nor to contribute in the household.  Don’t get me wrong I am not complaining about providing for the baby it just irritates me how irresponsible she is. The car she drives I bought for all three of my children to use but she refuses to let anyone else use it.   She is constantly saying that I have to provide everything for her because her friend’s parents buy them cars and pay for anything they need.  Now maybe I could see this if I had money but I am the only bread winner in a family of six.  My other children don’t ask me for anything because they see how she drains me.  Recently she has become more aggressive and argumentative I just can’t take it anymore but in order to have her leave I have to fight her for the baby or just let him go. I know she loves him but does not care to take care of him.  She threatened to take him and has gotten him to tell me that I am an awful Mom.  He loves me I am his only Mom I am the one there for him at all times. But I feel I have to let him go so she learns to be a mom and can then appreciate me.  I am going to ask her to leave, I worry for the baby she is going to go from house to house with no real place to live.  She does not make enough to live on her own. Also I am emotionally, legally and in everyway the baby’s parent.   I posted my story so no one else repeats my mistakes.  
Amother Amother
5 Responses Jun 30, 2009

Thank you for writing your story. My eldest is 5 mos pregnant, 19, with no job. I can so relate.

Sounds like she is one angry young lady. When you say you have never been close - do you mean you have never really had a mother / daughter bond? Or did her character just change as she aged?

You should get a recorder, they sell them for phones too. Get her to say some of that stuff over the phone etc. and record it. Save all receipts that you spend on the baby, and record in a journal everytime she leaves the house with you looking after the baby. If she doesn't have her own place to live, and you have evidence of all of that, then she probably wouldnt win custody if you tried to get full coustody. <br />
But you really should be more tough on her, don't let her use the car, tell her that she has 2 jobs and needs to buy her own food etc. or she can move out. By you giving in to her bad behavior, your only hurting her and your family.

Sounds like you need to show some tough love and kick her the hell out so she learns a lesson. If you are the legal parent of that child, she CANNOT take him away from you. If she tries, you may just have to press kidnapping charges. People like her should not be coddled or walked on eggshells for- let her know you will NOT put up with that and the baby deserves better.

i agree with the above post----make the suggestion of caring for the baby for your daughter---as nonchalant, casual as possible. an offer she can't refuse. but be careful; and make sure u are asking her this only because u have grave concerns for the baby's safety otherwise. and not because ' u feel u know what's best, better than ur daughter ever could.' be very, very careful! on the other hand--u may notice ur daughter willingly relinquishing her responsibilities toward her baby to u--all of them--more and more, no matter how good of a job, car she has, etc etc. call her on this eventually--if she wants to give up parental rights---it will have to be made legally so, for all your sakes. the BABY is most important here.<br />
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when i started reading ur story--i thought maybe it was my mom writing it! u are brave to share with us. that must be painful for a mom to write down! (tho my mom simply dislikes me because we are vastly different. she is critical, over-bearing, demanding etc--while i am sensitive, shy, and with-drawing. ya---tough match-up to be saddled with as an innocent young child. i grew up thinking i was a class A, #1, LLLOOOSSSEEERRRRR). which is pretty automatic for a child when no-one positive and well-meaning who has their best interests at heart is there for them.