Where Do I Go From Here?

Everything in my past has brought me to today.  Here I am.  A single lady going through the midst of a divorce.  I have loving friends and family, but most nights, I come home, alone.  

I have been in a job for 13 years, I have gone to college during 4 of those years, got a degree in social work, then decided to go back to my retail job.  They offered me full time.  I always stayed there because it paid well and I was comfortable and because they believe in me, but that did not make me happy.  This is not the job I want to do for the rest of my life.

Over a year and a half ago, I bought a house with my then husband.  In hopes of bringing the two of us together.  It worked at first, but then I recognized how much owning this house was strapping me down even farther and how much more it was making me unhappy.  I was the breadwinner, I was the one working my *** off, and when I came home tired, exhausted, he was there playing video games.  Every time I saw him doing that, just drove me farther apart from him.  While i worked every weekend, 6 days a week, I'd come home to him, yet, another 3 day weekend off.  I was jealous.  While I made twice the amount as him, he got to enjoy life the way I wanted to enjoy it.  But when I came home, he couldn't come up with something to do, something new to explore, or even tried to want me in a way.  He would never take me in the way I wanted to.  However, that is also my fault for not saying anything, heh?  Hey, I want you to just grab me.  That is my fault there ;)  but when the sex was that bad, did I really want him to just grab me? *giggles*

I am BETTER off.  I know this.  I just am scared.  I really am going to walk away from my job eventually, I really think I will walk away from Minnesota too.  

I love my friends and family, I do, and I know they're there for me in aheartbeat, but I also recognize they have things going on on in their lives, and I can only be apart of it from time to time.  Alls I have to do is make a phone call to feel connected and close to them.  I will be okay to move away.  I know this.  

I'm just looking for a sign that everything will work out and i will be okay.  I am scared, but this is what I want.  It is.  

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2 Responses Feb 19, 2010

the feeling of being scared is your sign that everything is ready for change...you're not afraid of change you're just unclear of which steps to take first towards your future - which is a happier one for you...<br />
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try starting with what makes you happy NOW...I'm sending you lots of love and light knowing you'll find your way...being scared is totally OK...you have a support group in your firends and family - wow you're lucky to have that - so take it easy on yourself and start with changing your feelings from apprehensive to happier about your future - its a bright one...you know it deep inside you...

I couldn't help but be moved by your comments. You have every right to be a bit scared at this point in time for change often momentarily does that, We are all from time to time wary of the future but I have found over the years that it seems for some reason that it all comes out just fine in the end if you keep emotions out of play..<br />
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You sound like a well balanced young woman who has her basic life under control and the few glitches you have thus far experienced are just stepping stones on your way to a better life.<br />
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Many who come here are confused and in dire need of some solace and support but I don't sense that from you from what you have presented here. I perceive a strong resolute young woman who will find up the pike exactly what she feels fits needs.