I Wish More People Knew What "i Love You" Really Means

I thought that people were hard wired from birth to know what loveclozs is.  God, did I find out I was wrong the hard way!  When I was young, my father was a physically abusive , and emotionally abusive drunk.  He would punch me, tell me he wished I would die, and get progrssively drunker.  When he was drunk enough, he would hug me, say he was sorry, and that he loved me.  That is, until the next time he got drunk.  My mother would just leave, and go to her mother's for awhile.  What did she think was going to happen to me?  She got hit a few times herself!  She once told me she could forget she had a daughter!  My grandmother didn't much care.  She closed the door in my face a few times when I went to her for help.  Naturally, as I got older, I found someone to love.  He convinced me he loved me, but he lied.  How could someone who loves you through you under the bus when his family picked on me?  I kept his secret, that he was smoking his paycheck in weed for five years.  I worked many hours to support us, and our baby daughter.  His family said I was a terrible mother, working all those hours, and picked on me in other ways.  I never told them that someone had to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. I thought things would get better once he quite smoking dope.  Fooled again!  I let him chase off all my friends, so I had no one to talk to.  Then, when I had a problem, I would try to talk to him.  He said things like, You bring all your problems on yourself."  He no longer wanted a physical relationship with me.  He wished to spend time with his "family", and very little time with myself or his daughter.  When I would cry, he would say sorry, and then do the same things over and over again.  From talking with other people, I have found that they have had similar experiences.  Are people retartarded?  When you tell someone you love them, it isn't just words.  You  better show it in your actions!  You also need to have some empathy for your partner!  I no longer trust the words I love you.
trishhebel trishhebel
41-45, F
May 21, 2012