I Feel It, But Don't Say It Because He Doesn't

I have lived with my boyfriend for going on 10 months now. Our relationship started in 2010. He was married (no kids). He separated from his wife in 2011. A year later he moved in with me. After 3 or 4 months I was upset that he hadn't yet filed the divorce papers (now that he had 1 yr. separation) and I put it out to the EP world asking if that should bother me. Most said to be patient. As of today, he still has not filed the papers, but I have come to understand that nothing I do or say is going to speed him up and it's not because he has some lingering desire to be with his wife. I am leaving that one alone...pushing him just frustrates the both of us and leads nowhere. Admittedly, I am waiting daily for news that he has filed. In my mind, I still see myself as dating a married man...I do not want that to be the case anymore. I think he just doesn't want to deal with it...as far as I've heard, divorce isn't an easy thing...so, he just lets it sit...he'll get to it eventually...the way he sees it, the only reason it should be important is when he wants to marry again.

Anyway, now I have another question. I am a very passionate and affectionate person. I am more affectionate by nature than my boyfriend and sometimes that is troubling (at times I feel he's more affectionate to the cats than to me). I have told him I love him and meant it and when I have, he has said it back or said 'you too.' However, only once in our years of growing close to each other has he ever initiated saying it. Because of this, now when it goes through my mind to say it, I do not. I feel hurt that he never tells me he loves me. If I am going to make it long term with him, I think they are words I should be hearing. No? A lot of people say that actions speak louder than words. Fine. Most of the time his actions communicate love and that he wants me to be happy and feel loved (though sometimes they do not like when he loses track of time on his IPad games and doesn't kiss me before we go to bed at night). But, it still bothers me that he never communicates love in words. What do you think? I suppose if it bothers me, I should move on and look for someone more affectionate and more able to communicate their feelings in words, but I don't want to do that - I do love him. It's insecurity, I suppose. I suppose insecurity also stems from him not kissing me very often anymore. We make love and it is still incredible, but the romance and affection aren't there as much as I'd like - am I a sap? Am I expecting too much? Is this a bad sign? Normal? I have raised these issues to him and he just explains that he's not as affectionate as I am and will work on it and that I should know regardless that he is crazy about me. I believe him...for the most part. I'm just putting this story out there to see what comes back if anything...

Thanks for reading.
tornadowatch tornadowatch
31-35, F
Dec 11, 2012